Built By God

Are You Building a Monument or Just Roasting Turkey?

2011-11-23T10:39:00.001-06:00

Recently I had the rare opportunity to meet a dear friend for coffee. As we reconnected we had a great time talking about a number of subjects. She updated me on her grand kids; I told her all about my two kiddos and their adventures. She about her mother coming to visit for Thanksgiving; me about a scrap-booking retreat I just attended. As the subject wondered around a clear theme began to emerge; documenting our heritage; the stories of our lives both physical and spiritual.

I’ve been reflecting on this. It strikes a chord with me. As a child, one of my dad’s words of wisdom was how important is to have a “record of God’s faithfulness.” You know it’s one of those things my parents “harped” on when I was a kid and now as an adult I look back and see the character it developed in me. Dad would write his prayer requests in his little black Day-Timer and then go back and write the answers when they came. This became a very real record of God’s faithfulness in the life of our family. I’ve used the concept in many different forms with my own children. Recently we revived an old tradition. Each Friday we all get a couple of strips of paper with our dinner. As the meal is done we have the opportunity to write down something we are grateful for. Those papers are then deposited into our “thank you box” which we will open on Thanksgiving and recall God’s faithfulness in our lives this year.

At the coffee shop my friend was sharing with me about “Operation Thanksgiving - Grandma’s Stories”. They have devised a plan to get Grandma to tell her stories; the stories nobody knows and that would be lost if grandma didn’t have the chance to tell them. One of the grandkids has a school assignment about family heritage over the holidays and so they plan to use this project as a natural conversation starter to encourage Grandma to start story telling.

This is why I scrapbook. As I record our day to day lives, I’m writing about the day God protected us from a terrible accident or the way he blessed us with a trip to Disney through John’s work at FedEx. I am recording for my children the acts of our good and faithful God in their day to day lives.

In Joshua 4:4--7 God instructs Joshua to create a memorial of God’s deliverance:

So Joshua called together the twelve men he had appointed from the Israelites, one from each tribe, and said to them, “Go over before the ark of the LORD your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever.”

When my kids were little we used to tell this story from Joshua and build our own memorial. We used their Mega Blocks, you know the oversized lego type building blocks, to build our memorial. Each of us would take a block and as we placed it on our tower we would say something we were thankful for.

“Do you know why our country celebrated the first Thanksgiving? Because GOD had protected them and provided for them. Thanksgiving is a response to God’s miraculous provision in our lives!” Ps. Robert Morris – Gateway Church.

As you make pies, bake cookies, put up your tree and prepare the turkey, I encourage you to also plan ways to create a record of God’s faithfulness in your life. Then celebrate, rejoice in God’s faithfulness. Isn’t that what Thanksgiving should be, a genuine response to God’s faithfulness in your life.

Daniel's frist prayer

2009-06-28T08:15:00.003-05:00

Today at breakfast Daniel decided he wanted to pray. It was very sweet:

"Jesus, I don't know you, don't know what I say. Thank you mom make breakfast. Thank you (for) Cosette. Ok, bye."

It's a beginning.

Father, would you reveal yourself to Daniel, help him learn to know you and want to talk with you.

Conversation with Daniel

2009-06-23T18:50:00.001-05:00

Daniel “Why you choose my name, Daniel?”

Mom “It’s a very special name, your grandpa and uncle both have the name Daniel. We knew you needed a special name because you are a special boy.”

Daniel “Momma, why you go China to get me?”

Mom “Because you were in China”

Daniel “Why you choose me mommy?”

Mom “I love you”

Daniel “Why you love me?”

Mom “I’m your mom.”

Daniel “Why you my mom?”
Mom “Because I adopted you.”

Daniel “Why you adopt me?”

Mom “Because I wanted a son and God said ‘adopt Daniel’”

Daniel “Why God say adopt Daniel?”

Mom “He wanted you to have a family.”

Daniel “Why you go China.”
Mom “Because I love China and I love YOU!”

Daniel “Why you love China?”
Mom “Because YOU and Cosette are from China.”
Daniel “Cosette no from China, Daniel from China.”
Mom “Yes, you and Cosette were both born in China.”

Daniel “What is born?”

Mom “When you come out of your birth mommy’s tummy, that’s being born.”

Daniel “Out of tummy? How?”

Mom –not ready to answer the next question, or series of questions “Sweetheart, God made mommies tummies so they can have babies in them. Now, I think it’s time to go pick up your room.”

Life with a curious little boy.

Tonya

Mothers say 2009

2009-05-11T21:39:00.005-05:00

5:30 a.m. - dreaming, fast asleep... drip, drip, drip. Hand on face... I'm wet, look at hand -- alarmed I'm bleeding... no that's not it, becoming more conscious of, um... oh it's a boy standing over my face, HE is bleeding! Yikes – I’m up. The boy quietly says "um momma, happy mom's day, I have bloody nose."

The day got better, I promise. John and the kids took me out to brunch at my favorite Italian place, Birraporetti’s. I’m not sure what was best; the delicious food, the live jazz and the wonderful company.

At one point during lunch Daniel told me he "really really loves mommy." I asked him what he loves about mommy and he said "I love his heart". Made me laugh (the grammar) and cry both. Then he asked me what I loved about him so I said a bunch of things, "I love your heart, I love your eyes, I love your laugh, I love your ears." etc. When I acted like I was done he would say "more mommy, what more?" so I went on, "I love your nose, I love your voice, I love how funny you are, I love your toes, I love how kind you are..." He wouldn't let me stop. He craves that love and still doesn't believe it’s his. He still needed convincing.

Thanks for following along,
Tonya

Daniel’s 7th birthday

2009-05-03T22:43:00.004-05:00

We had a family party for Daniel yesterday. We did our best to incorporate his American favorites; fast cars, hamburgers, ice cream and cake. Normal party fare.

Daniel had fun anticipating the part all week. He squealed and giggled all week, while he asked questions trying to figure out exactly what might happen. He insisted that I make a party hat for him. We talked about his cake; first I showed him pictures of a couple of Cosette’s cakes over the years to give him some ideas. First he declared he wanted a swing set cake. I started my research, not at all sure how to make a 3D swing set. Thankfully he changed his mind. Next he wanted a police car, and finally he settled a race car cake. You can see the results here.

The evening started with torrential rains, the kind of rain that causes flash flooding here in Texas. As the guests arrived John and I were quietly keeping an eye on our back porch which has a history of collecting water and has flooded into our family room several times over the past two decades that we have in this house. We knew that the trench in the side yard was growing over and the water might have trouble finding its way around the house.

Daniel was grandly introduced by one guest. He was having such fun being the focus of attention. I have two extremely extroverted kiddos who thrive on the attention of others. As more guests arrived the energy built higher and higher. Of course there were periodic “presents now momma?” Very sweet.

John came inside with the hamburgers, prayed and started the buffet line while Guta (BIL) and I went outside with a shovel and umbrella. Guta re-dug the trench while I held the umbrella; trying unsuccessfully to keep us both dry. Thankfully the crisis was averted and most of the guests were unaware.

Finally it was time for presents so Daniel started ripping into them. He was kind and thankful; articulate and polite; all mixed up with a lot of excitement. I felt very proud of our little man.

Cosette had a difficult time sharing the focus of attention that had always in the past been hers in the past. She played host; greeting guests at the door, reading Daniel’s cards for him and serving the cake.

Overall I believe Daniel felt loved and celebrated, and that was the goal.

Enjoy the slide show. It includes spring soft ball, open house, the Fort Worth Zoo, Spring Break (Glen Rose), JP's birthday, Easter, Gateway’s V! Roundup, Dallas Arboretum, and finally Daniel's birthday.

Tonya

7.5 months... I love spell test mom!

2009-04-09T16:18:00.001-05:00

“I love spell test mom! I really really love spell test. Look, I know spell test mom, I know. You show daddy I know spell test!”

He was so proud of himself as he displayed his perfect score on his spelling test today. I’m incredibly proud too. It has been struggle, learning the phonics needed to really know how to spell these words. Up until recently he would memorize the shapes of the letters and regurgitate them, but not in the right order and he didn’t have a clue what they meant. After months of hard work on everyone’s part, especially his, he actually got all the words right today AND he knew what sounds related to what letters AND what the word meant. Amazing little guy!

Come on 1st grade, we are ready for you now!

Proud mom,
Tonya

No More Homework!

2009-03-12T14:58:00.003-05:00

Yesterday after school Daniel decided he wasn't going to do any more homework. When I asked him why he thought that would be okay he responded with "my know English" very emphatically. I told him how proud I am of his English progress but that 'yes' he did still have to do homework and he was devastated.

If only life were that easy sweetheart!

~ T ~

I love mommy

2009-02-20T14:02:00.002-06:00

I wanted to share that recently Daniel has started saying "I love mommy" a lot lately. He will pause for my reply "Wo ai ne Daniel" (I love Daniel). They he says "No, I really REALLY love mommy" with the emphasis on the second really and a tight hug around my neck. Makes a mothers heart very, VERY happy! He is such a tender and loving little boy who has brought so much joy to our lives.

On a more difficult note, he has recently been telling us about some violence that he witnessed in his foster home. It's quite disturbing, but I'm so glad he is feeling safe enough to tell us. The amazing thing is that Daniel does not seem to be aggressive at all. He has never displayed any aggression at school and when he fights with his sister it's verbal, not physical. What a testimony to God's grace that he did not normalize the violence he saw at home and become violent himself.

Daniel had the flu last week, so the topic of being sick, germs, hospitals, etc. came up quite a few times. During one conversation, he was trying to tell me something and I was not understanding so I asked him to draw me a picture. He drew an arm with an IV in the hand and shots going into his arm. He pointed and said "Daniel's arm." When I asked him if he was very sick he said "Oh, Tung guo (China) say no talk about sick." And that was that. He refused to say another word. It seemed clear to me he was told not to tell us about being sick. I think he forgot at first and then remembered and stopped abruptly.

I am currently searching for a play therapist with international adoption experience. Thus far I'm not having much luck. Karyn Purvis (The Connected Child) lives and works here in the Dallas metroplex but she has a two year waiting list AND you have to be in crisis to even be considered. Daniel is not in crisis. My goal of course is to avoid crisis. Any local recommendations would be appreciated.

Tonya

5 months home... an update

2009-02-06T18:13:00.000-06:00

I’ve been quiet for almost a month. Life has kept trucking on, I just haven’t written. I know there are many watching for updates; anticipating my posts because you love my kiddos and want to know how they are doing. So to those, you know who you are, I am sorry for my silence. I will try to post more often.

I had knee surgery on Jan 21. I tell you, recovering from surgery is different at 40 then it was at 28 (the last time I had a scope done). My body simply did not respond the way I hoped. Thankfully my sweet mom flew in from Wisconsin and spent the week with us. She took such great care of all of us! She got the kids off to school each morning, feed us, helped the kids with homework, etc. It was such a blessing to our family. I don’t know what I would have done without her.

Mom left on Sunday, so Monday afternoon when it came time to stand in the kitchen and cook dinner I thought, ‘well, we’ll see how this works.’ It didn’t work. I found I could not stand more then a few minutes. My sweet friend Julie came to the rescue and rushed over with a stool so I can lean or sit while cooking. Thanks Julie! Several other friends blessed us with a gift cards to restaurants so I wouldn’t have to be on my feet so much, cooking dinners, etc. during recovery. What great friends we have, amazing.

Yesterday was the first day of my physical therapy, which hurt like… well a lot! A friend said that the PT should stand for pain and torture, not physical therapy. After yesterday’s appointment I think I agree! Yikes. After PT I thought going out to eat (AKA not cooking) was a great idea so we met John at a restaurant on his way home from work. Daniel invited the waitress to stay and pray with us over our food. It was really sweet. He took her hand and said “you pray with us”. Very graciously, she joined hands with us and bowed her head while John prayed!

Daniel’s communicative language is exploding! Last week I was listening to John, Cosette and Daniel having a conversation from my spot on the couch (while recovering from surgery). They had been to McDonalds as a treat and had each gotten one of those silly happy meal toys. The problem was Daniel couldn’t find his and was feeling frustrated. Finally after thinking about where it might be Daniel said “Daddy, I forgot it in your truck”. Yes, he said each of those words, clearly and in the correct grammatical order. He doesn’t always speak in quite so complete sentences. My mom’s observation was that he is speaking in two word sentences mostly. The point is, he’s doing great. He almost always communicates what he wants to and he keeps trying when we don’t understand.

School is going well. He is slowly picking up on things. His teacher says that as soon as his language catches up he will excel. When I asked about 1st grade next year his teacher said “He’s a very smart boy. I’m not worried at all.” Last week he successfully spelled three of his four spelling words on his quiz. That’s amazing considering until four month ago he knew no English and until three months ago he had no formal education in his life. This week a light bulb of sorts went on as we talked about the pattern in his new list of spelling words: HUG, BUG, RUG, etc. He was so excited when he started to see the UG pattern. The minute John was home he ran and showed John the pattern too. We are very proud of his progress.

Cosette is doing well also. During my recovery from surgery she was such a wonderful little helper. She got out the cereal for the two kids morning. She helped make lunches and was my “runner” when I needed misc. things around the house. She is really excelling at school this year. When asked what her favorite subject is she says “reading.”

Daniel has started telling us stories from China. It has been so interesting learning about his foster parents and foster siblings. One story was about a friend he clearly loved. He told us about walking to his house and playing with him. Sometimes he took naps at his friend’s house. He almost cried when talking about this friend. Another story was about the day the orphanage director took him from his foster family. I think this is also when they headed to Shenyang to meet us (not sure about this). He talked about being in a “big big car” (probably a van) and seeing his “mommy” out the window. He said they were both crying. I’m so grateful he had the love of a mom and dad before he came to be with us. Another story was about a neighborhood dog that he was afraid of. How it chased him and almost bit him. He told us his “daddy” smoked and that he was sometimes mean to his “mom”. I look forward to more and more stories. We have so little information about his first 6 years. I’m writing each down as he shares them hoping these stories will be the source of some peace in the future; a connection to his past of sorts.

My favorite time of the day is when the kiddos first wake up, especially if they wake up separately. My kids are both snugglers! This morning Daniel staggered out of his room first. He came up to me and pushed his little body into mine saying “I love my mommy” while covering his eyes from the light. We usually sit in the rocker for a few minutes, as long as he will stay, and snuggle. I kiss his cheek, and he kisses mine. He hugs me and I hug him. I tell him I love him and he tells me the same. These are priceless moments. I wouldn’t trade them for anything, not even for the cup of coffee that was growing cold in the kitchen while we snuggled.

Happy Chinese New Year
Tonya

Why do we do what we do?

2009-01-06T12:01:00.003-06:00

When I reflect on Christmas this year, I find it was full of so many wonderful things. Seeing Christmas through Daniels eyes gave us the opportunity to reflect on why we do what we do at Christmas time. Think about it, having a tree inside our hose, that’s kinda crazy, right? Stockings hanging on the mantel, gift exchanges, parties, wreath on the door, etc. Why do we do them? Tradition, I know, but what meaning do they hold for our family? And if it’s an empty tradition, do we really need it? How does this activity, tradition or event celebrate our precious Jesus’ birth? Some things are simply fun, and we enjoy them together as a family, no harm right? Probably not, but what if these things distract from the reason we celebrate, God sending his Son to earth to reconcile us to the Father.

Daniel is in the “why?” phase! Remember that phase when your kids asked why about everything, then they asked “why” again, and again, and again? I’m sure you remember. It can be annoying, but I’m trying to allow these questions to help me think about WHY. I don’t want to just go through the routine without thought. Why do I spend days baking gifts for my neighbors? Is it just a gift? Or am I taking the opportunity to bless them, build relationships and hopefully open doors so I can introduce them to my Jesus! How might I do it differently if I have these things in my mind?

What are your traditions? Ask yourself WHY. Allow yourself to get beyond the emotional attachment to these things and truly reflect on their meaning, their value to this very important celebration of Christ’s birth.

Why, mommy?

2008-12-22T21:59:00.004-06:00

This morning was the first day of the kids Christmas break. Amazingly, the kids were sleeping in. Of course, I woke up early. Instead of grumbling about not being able to sleep in, I decided to take advantage of the time. I got up, turned the coffee on and went to the living room to have my quiet time. After my first cup of coffee and a sweet time with the Lord, I heard the pitter patter of footsteps in the hallway. A few minutes later a pajama clad boy was creeping around the corner. I invited him to join me on the couch under the blanket.

My computer was on the coffee table in front of us, and Daniel asked to look at the pictures. This is a favorite pastime of ours. We flip through the photos and talk about the people, places or things in them. While we were in China we found this was a great way to introduce Daniel to his new world in America. Today I chose the pictures of our trip to China to adopt Daniel. I’m not sure what compelled me to choose those. He was excited at first as we looked at sightseeing pictures, then pictures of us playing in our hotel. He asked some questions concerning where we were “tung guo” (China) or “mei guo” (America).

Soon, we came to the photos of our trip to Daniel’s orphanage. The first pictures were of the baby rooms. Daniel told me about the babies, that they slept in the cribs and that he slept there when he was a baby. He pointed out the kitchen where the nannies made the milk bottles for the babies. He pointed out which bed he slept in. When we saw the pictures of the play rooms I asked him “did you play there”. He said “no, door locked”. When we saw the picture of the school room I asked him about it. He said “me, no school”. We spent about a half an hour talking all about his life in the orphanage.

Daniel's final question broke my heart. He said “mommy, why Cosette home baby, no me. Me home big boy.” He was asking why we adopted Cosette when she was a baby, but adopted him when he was a big boy. I answered with the same reply I gave him the other 10 or so times we’ve had this conversation. “Baby, I’m so sorry. That makes me feel sad too. We came and got you as soon as we knew about you. I’m so sorry baby; I wish you could have come home sooner.” Then we hugged and cried together.

He has profound sadness deep in his little heart. After a few minutes I prayed for him, that God would heal “the owies in his heart”. Then I kissed him and said “wo ai ni” (I love you). He snuggled next to me for another 10-15 minutes. It was a sad but profoundly important moment for us.

What's in a word?

2008-12-21T20:54:00.004-06:00

Today at lunch John and I decided to make a list of all the words Daniel knows. These are not the words he understands, there are far more of those. These are words he uses personally and correctly in context. I’ll write them in phrases, so you know the types of things he is communicating:

Little bit (usually referring to how many vegetables he would like on his plate)
See you tomorrow (to his teacher at the end of the day)
More please (usually referring to the main entrée or meat dish)
Please stop (to his sister)
Go faster (about moms driving)
Airplane (we live within 10 minutes of DFW airport so this is a VERY commonly used word for Daniel)
Church
School
Computer (but it sounds more like ‘cuuuuuum puter’, very cute)
Broken (referring to the ‘cuuuuum puter’ that dad is building from spare parts for the kids)
Mommy
Daddy
Cosette
Onyx (baby cat)
Molly (2 yr old cat)
Grandma
Opa
Isabelle (Sounds like ‘it’s a ball’ our 7 year old neighbor)
Please TV (usually with a begging whinny tone)
Teacher
Mrs. Carroll (his teacher’s name)
Good job (he is quick to affirm, love this about him)
Outside (he always wants to be outside, except when Cosette is inside)
Inside
Cat
All done? (Usually asking if Cosette is finished with her home work yet)
No thank you
Excuse me
Toilet
Bathroom
Why?
Hungry
Eat
Look
I don’t know (anytime he doesn’t understand. Sounds more like “I du no”
Play (usually asking Cosette to do so)
Bingo
Wash hands (after toilet)
Brush teeth
Shoe
Socks
My (me, mine, etc. with usage similar to a 2 year old)
My turn
Fork
Numbers 1-20 (higher sometimes, but not consistently, for some reason he skips the 6 in each set over 20. For example he says 23, 24, 25, 27, 28…)
Car
Truck
Daniel (He often speaks in third person, but it’s cute)
Pick up (his room)
Room
Help
Go? (Usually about getting to go in the truck with Dad somewhere)
House
Careful
Gentle

I'm sure there are more, but these are the ones we witnessed today between lunch and bed time. During dinner Daniel was trying to tell us something. He said it several times, with increasing frustration. Finally Cosette figured it out. He was saying "Me speak English". Yes dear, you are an amazing child and you are speaking English.

Christmas Blessings,

Tonya

Three months...

2008-12-03T22:01:00.005-06:00

On Monday, Dec. 1 we celebrated three months with Daniel! The time has been more difficult and more fun than I ever imagined. Just for fun, here are a few things I’ve learned in the past three months:

You do not need a common language in order to communicate.
Three weeks is too long to live out of hotels in a foreign country if you have two young children.
You don’t have to have to be blood related in order to fight with your sibling.
For emersion to be successful it requires actual participation in the classroom.
Blogs are fun to write!
Silly is silly in any language.
My boy requires a lot more energy than my girl ever did.
Kittens are cute, but they grow into cats very quickly.
Sharing is hard at any age.
Mommy not working is good for everyone in the family, except Mr. Budget.
Snuggling is fun in any language.
Both of the boys in our family wish momma would drive faster.
Chocolate is a necessary stress reliever.
Love is communicated through actions not words.

There are a million other things, but that’s enough for today.

This morning I woke up, walked into the living room and found Cosette and Daniel sitting on the couch under a blanket together. Cosette had a pile of books by her side and was reading to her brother (picture above). It made my heart happy.

Merry Christmas friends,

Tonya (for J, C & D)

Thanksgiving 2008

2008-11-27T18:22:00.004-06:00

This Thanksgiving I find myself reflecting on the miracles of this year. The first was when God brought Daniel into our lives. I don’t mean when we adopted him, but last October when we first saw his face.For 10 months he grew in our hearts as we prepared for Daniel. Then finally, after a series of financial miracles Daniel is home with us and part of our family. If you have been following our journey, you know the story. If not, go back to our first posts and read an amazing story. God walked us through every step.

(pics above left and right, Daniel and Cosette enjoying Thanksgiving lunch at school last week)

I haven’t posted in a while. Life has been busy, as it is for everyone this time of year. Daniel has been in school for over a month and is doing well. I recently learned that his teacher was allowing him to spend much of the day on the computer playing “educational” games. When I learned what was going on I objected of course. He is in school for the “immersion experience”, not to play games. I’m sure there was value in the games, but he could as easily do that at my office with me each day. He needs to hear his teacher, listen to the lesson, and hear his classmates speak; watch, listen and learn! His teacher is now requiring him to participate most of the day, thank you! Wouldn’t you know, just in the past two weeks Daniel’s English has also exploded. He is using more English then Mandarin at this point. Probably out of necessity, but still it’s a great relief to us to know he’s learning. Recently when I was leaving Daniel at school he said “see you tomorrow mommy” – all in perfectly understandable English. It wasn’t exactly what he meant but a great break through none the less. After kissing him goodbye that day, for some reason I cried while I watched him walk hand in hand with Cosette into the school building.

Cosette is her normal sweet self. She is growing in so many ways. I’m enjoying this phase of her childhood. I love being able to have more mature conversations with her. Watching her become a big sister has been fun too. She really tries to guide and protect Daniel. Last week I was having lunch at school with her. One of her classmates asked her why Daniel has one big ear. Her response was very mature. She said “he had a surgery when he was a baby”. That’s all she said. After years of being questioned by classmates about her own life, adoption, being Chinese, having white parents, etc. she has learned that you don’t have to give all the information. She answered respectfully and kindly but protected Daniel’s privacy.

Onyx, our new kitty, is doing well and growing and growing. She is a snuggler, which I’ve enjoyed. After the kids are asleep I often lay down on the couch to relax for a few minutes. Onyx will climb up onto my chest and purr; it puts us both to sleep.

John is doing well. His territory was recently expanded significantly, so in the same amount of time (40 hrs in the week) he is now expected to cover almost twice the territory!

We are looking forward to Christmas. It will be Daniel’s first. It’s hard to even begin to explain what he is about to experience. Of course we want him to know that Christmas is primarily about Jesus. Try to explain that concept in gesture and limited language!

Thanks for your prayers. We continue to have struggles, expected ones and unexpected. We need God to give us what all parents need; wisdom, discernment and patience. Daniel needs what most 6 year old boys need; compassion, discipline and self control to mention a few.

Finally, we are thankful for YOU. God has blessed us with such a wonderful community of friends and family. You have been generous to us in so many ways this year. Jean Baptiste Massieu said ““Gratitude is the memory of the heart.” Our hearts are full with gratitude for you.

Blessings ~ Tonya (for J, C & D)

Onyx

2008-11-10T22:18:00.009-06:00

We have a new cat – Onyx. She was born in our back yard, under the shed. Cosette coaxed her out and “caught” her two weeks ago. She and Daniel talked us into taking her in. It took Molly (the 2 year old cat) a few weeks to accept Onyx. At first Molly would hiss and growl at Onyx. The older scared of the baby. Onyx (8 – 12 weeks old) would corner Molly and pounce at her. It was hilarious to watch. They have finally made friends and it’s great to see them play. The kids of course are having a blast with a new “baby” in the house.

Yesterday the kids were having a particularly difficult time getting along. They fought over the kitty, over the swings and other toys in the yard. Finally, after negotiating all afternoon long I said “I think I’ll just take all the toys away and leave you with the grass and the trees to climb. Cosette’s response, not at all what I expected, was “We can climb the trees?” Go for it I said. In no time flat they were both up in a tree, and that is where they stayed until dinner. Silly kiddos!

I hope you enjoy the miscellaneous pictures. I love the one of John and Daniel (top right). What a sweet snuggle I captured, although it is a little blurred. Top left is baby Onyx. Right and left, the kids in the newly discovered tree. Below is Cosette at school, showing off her diorama of Noah's Arc. She is wearing her "crazy socks" for red ribbon "say no to drugs" week.

44 days until Christmas,

Tonya

17 years

2008-10-30T14:49:00.002-05:00

This weekend John and I celebrate our 17th anniversary. That in it’s self is amazing. I feel so blessed to have had 17 wonderful years with my friend and beloved, John. God has blessed us in so many ways. First and foremost is our relationship. We really enjoy each other, laugh together and challenge each other. He believes in me, encourages me and has helped me to grow professionally, personally, emotionally and spiritually.

Usually we go on a weekend getaway to celebrate, leaving the kiddos home with a friend. Because Daniel is so new to our family, we decided we simply could not leave him behind so this year our anniversary trip is a family getaway. We are staying at a cottage owned by one of our Gateway Church members. She generously offers for Gateway staff members to use her cottage for a significantly reduced price. It’s a beautiful two bedroom house near Holly Lake in East Texas. As I prepared to come, I was praying for our trip I began to pray for Daniel especially. He could very easily be undone by the weekend trip. We want this weekend to be relaxing and fun for everyone, not stressful in any way. I’ve been praying that Daniel would not be worried about where we are going, or if we are going home again. That he would be secure enough in his place in our family that everything would go smoothly. Well, we arrived Friday night and the kiddos went right to sleep. There were no objections from Daniel, nor did he need us to stay with him as he slept (as I expected he might). So far so good. Well the next morning when it was time to get dressed I pulled out clothes for each of the kids. Daniel immediately started shouting “NO” and rattling off in Mandarin, clearly very upset. He grabbed his clothes and ran to his room crying. Not understanding at all I followed him to try to discover what was going on and comfort him, resolve the problem. He had his pants on the bed and he was punching them saying “no” over and over and crying. Then it clicked in my head. I had chosen the jeans he wore the day we met him. His “orphanage” pants. Those pants, coupled with being in a new place triggered some strong emotions in Daniel. I don’t know exactly what he was feeling, but it was clearly very upsetting. Of course, I hugged and kissed him, told him I love him and that he is part of our family forever, things I say to him daily, sometimes hourly. I gave him the other pair of pants I had packed and put the “orphanage” pants away. God forgive me for not foreseeing that response. I knew things might be hard for him, why in the world would I choose those pants? Oh God, please continue to heal his little heart and be the grace that makes up for the humanity of his parents.

Saturday we went for a long walk in the woods. I really enjoy watching the kids with John. He was teaching them what a Maple leaf or Oak leaf looks like. What side of the tree the moss grows on and how to find your way out of the forest if you get lost. He showed them what seeds from different trees looked like, and each collected a couple dozen pine cones, leaves and other misc. things. He is such a good dad. He even found a great climbing tree and encouraged the kids to take a try. I of course had to climb up first, in the name of showing them how. I LOVE climbing trees, there’s something about being able to see the world from high up in a tree. Anyway, they both nervously gave it a try.

I pulled my camera out of my purse and the battery is dead. Somehow it turned on in my purse. Grrrrrr. I guess no pictures of this trip for my scrapbook; very disappointing for an avid scrapbooker. I’ll have to find another way to document our vacation. Perhaps I’ll pick up a disposable camera from the local (12 miles away) Brookshire’s.

Recently Daniel has started “baby talking”. He uses Mandarin, mixed with sounds that are not English or Mandarin. They sound like baby talk to me. It’s like he is trying to mimic English and its basic sounds, just like a baby does when he starts talking. Ba, Ma and Da but also more complex sounds, just not words. I guess his brain is working on English, just not in a way we can understand yet. It’s really funny to hear, but we are trying not to chuckle. I think he thinks he’s speaking English. He’s such a talker, a mile a minute most days, I’m guessing really hard on him not to be able to communicate.

Today we head back to the real world, although I’m going to delay as long as possible. I like forgetting about all the laundry, school projects and work that face us at home. This retreat has been a blessing, allowing us to make some great family memories together. I better go make breakfast for the family before we start packing up to go. Thanks for “listening”.

The Story

2008-10-26T16:01:00.003-05:00

This has been an interesting week, full of lessons, mistakes and thankfully God’s grace. The most significant of the things I want to share happened on Wednesday evening after dinner. I was sitting at the kitchen table helping Cosette with a school project; John was using my work laptop researching how to repair our home computer, which is a story in it’s self, but I’ll refrain. Daniel was playing with his cars on the kitchen floor. Daniel walked up to me and started talking to me (in Mandarin) about something. But this time, he was very intent that I understood. As usual, he used a mixture of Mandarin, charades and a tiny bit of mispronounced English. He was telling me his ear hurt. He has been getting a runny nose so I assumed he might be getting an ear infection. No, he continued. He held his hands out about 18 inches apart and said Guo Heng baby, now pointing to himself. Then he said again that his ear hurt. Oh, I thought, he’s talking about his surgery when he was two. Sure enough! He continued by showing me the size of the tumor that was cut off of his ear. He used his fingers to show a cutting motion, like scissors. He took my hand and touched it to the slight indention on his cheekbone where the tumor was. Then he moved my hand to his ear. All the while rattling on in Mandarin about it all. He told me very clearly that he has one ear that is BIG, he used the English word for big, and one ear that is small, gesturing with his hands for small. He stopped the story and touched my ears; and said “mama TWO BIG ear” (in English)! Which he clearly thought was hilarious. After we all had a good laugh about mom’s big ears he went back to telling me about his own ears. He knows that he is going to have surgery to repair his ear, and it seemed he was asking when that would happen. I told him maybe next summer, using the electronic translator to be sure he understood. Always the jokester, with that silly look on his face he asked if I was going to have my ears fixed too. Silly boy!

This is very significant. The fact that he trusts us enough to share this story of when he was a baby is significant. The fact that he was able to so clearly get the whole story across to me was incredible! (I’m sure it helped that I already knew and recognized the story when he started telling it) He attempted a complete English sentence “Mama (has) two big ear” and that is amazing after only hearing English for 8 weeks. I see this moment as a breakthrough in so many ways. Thank you Father for your continued grace on this journey.

School... what are our rights?

2008-10-19T01:08:00.001-05:00

Currently I’m researching Federal and State law with regard to English Language Learners. I am trying to become more educated so I can influence the services Daniel will receive from the school district. The district thus far has been quite consistent; he will be streamlined with 45 minutes a day of ESL. I don’t find this adequate so I will continue to research. I believe Daniel and others like him should receive some assistance and service in his primary language. Here are a couple of legal presidents:

"Today, education is…a principal instrument in awakening the child to cultural values, in preparing him (her) for later professional training, and in helping him (her) to adjust normally to his (her) environment. In these days, it is doubtful that any child may reasonably be expected to succeed in life if he (she) is denied the opportunity of an education."
--U.S. Supreme Court, 1954: Brown vs. The Board of Education

"No person in the United States shall, on the ground of race, color or national origin, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits or otherwise be subjected to discrimination under any program or activity receiving federal financial assistance from the department of Health, Education and Welfare."
-- Title VI, Civil Rights Act, 1964

"No state shall deny equal educational opportunity to an individual on account of his or her race, color, sex, or national origin, by the failure of an educational agency to take appropriate action to overcome language barriers that impede equal participation by its students in its instructional programs." -- excerpt from the Equal Educational Opportunities Act of 1974, 20 U.S.C. § 1703

The United States Department of Education Office for Civil Rights (OCR) has the responsibility for enforcing Title VI of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. This Act prohibits discrimination on the basis of race, color or national origin in programs and activities that receive federal financial assistance.

Title VI has been interpreted by U. S. Federal Courts to prohibit denial of equal access to education because of a student’s limited proficiency in English. Thus Title VI protects those students whose English language skills are limited to the point that they cannot participate in, or benefit from, regular or special education school instructional programs.

During the late 1960s, OCR became aware that many school districts around the country made little or no provision for the education of students who were unable to understand English. In an attempt to resolve this problem, the former Department of Heath, Education and Welfare issued a memorandum, on 25 May 1979, to clarify Title VI requirements concerning the responsibility of school districts to provide equal education opportunity to English Language Learners (ELL).

The 25 May memorandum explained that Title VI is violated if:

1. Programs for students whose English is less than proficient are not designed to teach them English as soon as possible or operate as a dead end track.

"Where inability to speak and understand the English language excludes national origin-minority group children from effective participation in the educational program offered by a school district, the district must take affirmative steps to rectify the language deficiency in order to open its instructional program to these students."
-- 25 May memorandum

2. Parents whose English is limited do not receive notices and other information from schools in a language they can understand.

"School districts must have the responsibility to adequately notify national origin-minority group parents of school activities which are called to the attention of other parents. Such notice, in order to be adequate, may have to be provided in a language other than English."
-- 25 May memorandum

3. School districts cannot assign student to special education program solely on the grounds of the student’s inability to speak English.

"School districts must not assign national origin-minority group students to classes for the mentally retarded on the basis of criteria which essentially measure or evaluate English language skills: nor may school districts deny national origin-minority group children access to college preparatory courses on a basis directly related to the failure of the school system to inculcate English language skills."
-- 25 May memorandum

This means that districts must provide language instruction that is meaningful and gives non-English speaking students both the social and academic language skills they need to succeed academically and that districts must provide communication to the parents of such students in the language of the home.

In 1974 the U.S. Supreme Court upheld the 25 May memorandum as a valid interpretation of the requirement of Title VI in Lau vs. Nichols.

"Basic English Skills are at the very core of what…public schools teach. Imposition of a requirement that, before a child can effectively participate in the educational program, he must already have acquired those basic skills, is to make a mockery of public education."

Update

2008-10-19T00:58:00.005-05:00

Greetings friends,

(Picture left, Daniel on a tractor at the state fair; below right Cosette and Daniel on his first day of school; Daniel with his Kinder teacher Mrs. Carroll; far below left Cosette and Daniel on his first day of school)

I’ve not written for several weeks. They have been busy weeks. First, and most importantly, Daniel is doing great. He is adjusting well, sleeping through the night, eating almost anything presented and generally enjoying life.

We returned from China on Friday, Sept. 19, and John and Cosette immediately started back to work and school that next Monday. When we took Cosette to school Daniel was very sad. He cried when he realized she wasn’t coming home with us that morning. Then throughout the day he would cry out periodically for her. He really missed his sister. It was sweet and sad at the same time. One day when we picked Cosette up she and Daniel ran off toward our car, hand in hand. It is so special that God has joined their hearts so quickly.

Wednesday, 10 days ago, while dashing to intervene between the kids I pulled something in my calf. I heard a distinct pop and fell to the ground in pain. An ultrasound and MRI later and it seems I completely tore a small muscle in my calf. It is no longer attached at the knee. The surgeon says it will cause more trauma in my knee to reattach the muscle and that other muscles can compensate for the torn muscle so there is not reason to operate. I will be going through a couple months of physical therapy and all should be well. The pain is fairly severe if I put pressure directly on my foot, but if I am careful when I walk or use the crutches I’m able to make it without pain relievers. Like I needed another complication in my life, right?

My pour little guy has been poked, prodded, measured and weighed more then anyone should have to endure. He has patiently endured but not happily. Friday the poor little guy had to have 5 immunizations. The good news is we have confirmed through all these tests that Daniel is very healthy.

Last week Daniel had to have some dental work done. He had a tooth that was about to abscess, it had to be crowned ASAP. Daniel wasn’t allowed to eat breakfast the morning of the procedure. As I thought about the situation; how in the world do I communicate this to him? I can’t feed John and Cosette in front of him. I spent some time praying, I specifically asked the Lord to keep Daniel asleep that morning. That is exactly what happened. Cosette woke up early and she and I had some special one on one time having breakfast together. Then we got ready for our day. Just before leaving I got Daniel up, dressed and out the door. God is so good!

The “happy juice” Daniel was given lowered his defenses. It was amazing! He snuggled with me, kissed me, loved on me and let me do the same; he repeated every word I said IN ENGLISH. I told him he was a silly boy and he would say “Daniel sillay bolay” I would tell

him he was my sweet baby boy and he repeated “mama’s sillay baby bolay.” It was very sweet.

Daniel started kindergarten. He is so excited about school. I think the month home with me was very valuable; we did the right thing keeping him home with me. But I definitely think it’s time for him to go to school. We visited with his teacher last week, and he spent 3 hours in class last Thursday. When we arrived that morning he and Cosette dashed inside the school; he exclaimed “Yeah!” with a high pitched squeal. When I caught up, hobbling on the crutches, he was putting his back pack away and Cosette was helping him get settled into class. I stayed in the room for a while, making sure he was ok. Then I bent down to say goodbye and kissed his cheek. I said “Daniel I love you. I’ll see you at lunch time.” He responded in a nervous little squeal “I love you mama, bye bye.” My sweet boy was a little nervous, but so ready!

We had our first post adoption visit with our social worker last week. That too was quite encouraging. All the professionals we have consulted with are stunned by how well Daniel is doing.

God continues to work.

We met the director of the CCAA!

2008-09-29T21:16:00.007-05:00

Just a quick note. When our group went to the U.S. Consulate for our searing in ceremony we found a great surprise, well actually two. First, the director of the CCAA (Chinese Center for Adoption Affairs) was there that day! This was his first visit to the Consulate in three years. He was introduced and he observed while we all promised... whatever it was we promised. I could not understand the woman on the very distorted microphone. Anyway, the second surprise was that one of the members of our group had a diplomatic card and was allowed to bring her camera into the consulate. Normally you can't bring anything in, no cameras, no cell phones, etc. Our guide said "bring passport only, nothing else." then she added "oh and your new child." Anyway, they took a picture of our travel group, and I guess because we were adopting an older child the director was particularly interested in talking to us. He didn't speak any English and we very little Mandarin so not much communication happened but it was clear he was pleased. Here are the pictures.

Tonya (for J, C & D)

Maaaaaaaaaaaaa!

2008-09-28T09:49:00.007-05:00

Daniel is a precious child. He has a happy countenance, he is funny too (I think). His physical antics are funny; his facial expressions are obviously trying to communicate humor. He certainly cracks himself up! I wish we knew what he was saying. It’s amazing, his ability to adjust to our home, our family and still have such a wonderful countenance in the midst of what must be very stressful. Don’t get me wrong, he is often frustrated when he doesn’t understand, and he expresses that also. Usually these expressions come in the form of a whinny loud “Maaaaaaaaaaa” from the other room. That usually means he feels his sister has wronged him. (picture on the top right is at the Texas State Fair).

The other day he was giving me a hug and kiss and he whispered "wo ai ne" (I love you) in my ear. We say this to him every time we get a chance and he has been responding in kind for several weeks. Anyway, I guess he wasn't convinced I heard him so he repeated it over and over "wo ai ne, wo ai ne, wo ai ne" about 50 times, each time getting faster and pronouncing it a little less clearly. Now normally this would melt a mothers heart, and I don't mean to be cold hearted, but here's what it sounded like to me "wh i nny, wh i nny, wh i nny", and with a smile on my face I thought, "yes dear, you are whinny, and I love you too."

The almost constant sibling rivalry is something I had not adequately prepared myself for. He looks at Cosette’s room, full of 6 year accumulation of “stuff” and he is jealous. I totally understand. He has a lot of toys of his own, but it certainly does not compare to Cosette’s stash. There is a struggle between the concept of owning and sharing. The toy is Cosette’s, but she is required to share it. An example of our struggle is the bath toys. Cosette was an only child for 6 years. Everything that was for a child was hers, I get that. So now the rules of the game have completely changed. We have two and Daniel wants to play with the bath toys, of course. Well, Cosette is convinced they are hers to control. When not supervised she doles out toys one at a time completely controlling what he has and when. Obviously not ok. It’s an adjustment for all of us!

While Cosette is at school we do normal stuff. Often he will sit and color for 20 minutes at a time (great attention span for a newly adopted child). We work on language building every day; leap frog, flash cards, picture books, writing the alphabet, etc. and he loves all of those activities. He struggles with spatial skills; puzzles are clearly completely new to him and he is just starting to understand that the pieces make a picture. We need to get a few more puzzles for him, ones that will capture his attention. He’s currently working at age level 3-4 with puzzles. We play outside a lot, too; swinging, jumping on the trampoline, swimming in the inflatable wading pool, riding the bike, etc. Of course, we also have to do laundry, wash dishes and go to the grocery store. He is a good helper, loads and unloads the dish washer with me; helps put his clothes away, etc. He is learning so much every day.

We are slowly doing better on the issue of food. At first we were struggling to find foods he could enjoy. I would cook things I thought would be familiar and he would reject them outright. I forced him to take a bite a couple of times. If he doesn’t like it I’m not forcing him to eat it at this point, but he is learning that he really might like things even when they look unfamiliar. He likes plane yogurt, with a teaspoon of honey in it, anything made with beef; bananas, eggs in any form, shrimp and of course rice!

This morning after breakfast he came over to me and gave me a huge hug, kissed me on the cheek and said "tank u ver we match" (thank you very much). At bed time he wants us to stay with him until he falls asleep, but after that he sleeps peaceful alone in his room.

Sometimes I find myself tired, and not wanting to jump, run and resolve one more time. There is a reason why God made our bodies to birth children in our 20’s and 30’s. At 40, chasing a new kiddo around, similar to a toddler who is exploring his world, is exhausting. By the time my two are in bed around 8:15 I crash completely. I’ve slept better then I have for years! I guess that’s good, right.

I’m researching books on helping manage sibling rivalry. Any tips are welcomed. I prepared for a lot of things, but somehow neglected to prepare for this issue.

Dear God, I thank You for the gift of this child to raise, this life to share, this mind to help mold, this body to nurture, and this spirit to enrich.

Let me never betray Daniel’s trust, dampen his hope, or discourage his dreams. Help me dear God to help this precious child become all you mean him to be.

Let Your grace and love fall on him like gentle breezes and give him inner strength and peace and patience for the journey ahead.

We are off to church in a few minutes. Be blessed friends.

Tonya (for J, C & D)

Home alone with mom

2008-09-24T22:24:00.005-05:00

We have been home sense Friday afternoon and they have been fun and exhausting days! The flight was anything but fun. Although the kids were amazingly well behaved, all three of my travel companions were sick on the ride home. One threw up, another threw up and had diarrhea. John was nauseous had stomach cramps and fever. I think I slept for about 30 minutes before I realized how sick my crew was and stepped into “nurse-mom mode.” The worst was one child’s runny poo all over the seat and clothes! We now own one of those plane blankets because it was all I had to put around the no longer messy child after I cleaned them up and washed out the pants in the plane bathroom. Believe me, no fun!

After 23 hours of travel we finally arrived at DFW. Our friend Julie met us at the airport. Daniel was so excited about going to the long awaited “new mamas house.” One suitcase didn’t make it to Dallas. After a brief conversation with United they found the bag and guaranteed delivery between 6 and 10 p.m. Ok, let’s go home.

Once we arrived home, Cosette exuberantly walked Daniel through the house, explaining what was what, whose was whose, etc. It was fun to see them both so excited. Daniel loved “new mama’s house”. He was especially excited about his room. Several times he confirmed with me that these toys were indeed for him. This bed was indeed his; these clothes were actually for him, etc. The excitement in his expressions were priceless. Periodic gasps of excitement peppered his giggles and smiles. What fun!

Our good friend and neighbor, Jackie had prepared a crock pot with chicken cooking for our dinner. That was a wonderful blessing. Thanks Jackie! Another friend Julie had grocery shopped for us, filing our otherwise very empty fridge with milk, eggs and other necessities. It’s great to be loved!

Language - a systematic means of communicating by the use of sounds or conventional symbols.

Several people have asked how we are communicating. I must admit it’s frustrating and difficult, but we are communicating. It’s a hard thing to describe. He points and rambles on in Mandarin. I recognize a word, or simply figure out through gestures or context. Another method is simply to get him to show me. We do a lot of walking around pointing at things. Generally our language is a strange fusion of grunts, grins and words, both Mandarin and English.

Over the weekend our goal was to stay awake during the day, and to sleep at night. Simple right? Well, not quite as simple as you might think. In order to facilitate this goal we did our best to pack our day with activity. Shopping for groceries, playing in the back yard, unpack suitcases, do laundry, etc. We even went to church on Saturday.

We hadn’t planned on taking Daniel to church for several weeks, but we were bored, falling asleep and thought “why not”. We didn’t really plan on leaving him in class either, but when we got to Cosette’s classroom he seemed willing to go so we tried. Cosette took his hand and they went together. We picked up a pager so they could contact us immediately if Daniel needed us, then we walked around the corner and waited just to be sure he was ok. He did great! The teacher indicated that Daniel had a great time, joined in with the actions to the worship songs and was all smiles. He was definitely ready to go when we picked him up just an hour later. He grabbed my hand and wouldn’t let go.

On Monday morning Daniel (and I) had to face some harsh realities. Dad was off to work and even more difficult, Cosette was going to school. When John kissed and hugged each of us to say good bye for the day Daniel protested a little. Then later when he noticed John’s truck was gone we had a few tears. Then we loaded up the car and headed to Cosette’s school. Daniel was glued to me while we got Cosette settled into class. When we walked out of the building he was relieved UNTIL he realized Cosette wasn’t coming with us. He was devastated! He cried all the way home saying something about his “jie Jieh”. It was sweet but heart breaking. The rest of the day we had a lot of fun playing but still he would periodically ask about “jie jeih” with a distressed voice. The morning of day two Daniel came out of his room with his backpack on ready to go to school. Again we had tears when he realized Cosette was going to school and that he was headed home with me once again. Day three was a little better, at least no tears.

Daniel and I have filled our days with normal “stuff”. We have sorted laundry, had a blast washing dishes and gotten dirty sweeping the back porch; generally just done life together. Yesterday when we played dress up Daniel put a tutu on my head like a wig.

In a few weeks Daniel will start kindergarten and I will be going back to work. We will continue to adjust and eventually find our “new normal.” Keep us in your prayers. God’s grace is sustaining us, his love is filing our hearts and his blessings continue to encourage us!

Tonya (for J, C & D)

We are home at last!

2008-09-20T11:35:00.001-05:00

Friends and family, we have arrived safely back at home. Daniel only slept about one hour on our 12 ½ hour flight back to the states. He kept asking if we were almost there yet in pantomime; and I kept pantomiming back that it was going to be a long, looong, looooooong trip home. I was able to use language to tell him that we were landing in America as we approached San Franciso. He was soooo excited! He traveled pretty well considering the long trip and the fact that he was a six year old boy confined to an economy class seat. But when he understood that we were on the final leg from San Francisco to Dallas he did even better. He was a real trooper!

When we first met Daniel and showed him pictures of our house and his room, he asked a lot of questions about the number of toys he would have since he could see a lot of toys in the picture of his sister’s room, but not in the picture of his room. We tried to tell him he would have plenty of toys, but he still seemed skeptical. He is skeptical no longer! He has been playing almost non-stop since we got home. The three veteran members of the family woke up at various times last night due to the readjustment to Texas time and nearly always discovered Daniel awake and playing quietly with his new toys. So far the comprehensive set of Home Depot tools and the larger vehicles for action figures are the big favorites. However, there are a lot of toys that we haven’t let him see yet just because we didn’t want to overwhelm him.

As I was typing this a delivery came from our church. They sent us a beautiful welcome home arrangement of fresh and chocolate covered fruit! I must go partake! Thank you Gateway!!! And thank you all for participating with us in this exciting adventure. We quite honestly could not have completed this journey without your support. We so value your friendship and your support; and we look forward to introducing each of you to Daniel.

John (for T,C and D)

Good bye from China!

2008-09-17T23:49:00.000-05:00

Well it’s raining today so John is trying to coral the kids in the other room while I pack. Later today, at 2:45, is our consulate appointment. After that we are going to dinner with the Gu’s. Hopefully we will be back to the hotel and in bed early because tomorrow is a very long day of travel. We leave the hotel around 5 a.m., fly from Guangzhou to Hong Kong, transfer flights and get on the 12 hour flight Hong Kong to San Francisco. Finally, after immigration, we will fly home to Dallas around 4 p.m. on Friday. Please pray for us as we are confined in a small space for 12 plus hours with two very energetic young children. I believe we are as prepared as we can be.

Each time we travel to China I am reminded how beautiful this place it is, how welcoming the people are and how much we love both.

Thanks for following along with us. We will let everyone know we are home safely on Friday evening or Saturday morning. After we are home, we will post periodic updates on the kids. Check in as you like!

The Eisenhauers are saying good bye from China!
Tonya (for J, C & D)

The end is near...

2008-09-16T02:10:00.001-05:00

We have the privilege of being in China during the Autumn Moon Festival. Primarily this is a time to be with family, to enjoy being together and go out to eat together. Snoopy’s parents invited us to join them and some other friends for dinner. We had a lovely night, except for that Daniel’s poor manners and Cosette’s absolute exhaustion from the previous day’s trip. It would be the understatement of they year to say the kids were difficult to manage. The restaurant had a glass wall overlooking the Pearl River and Guangzhou, so we were able to watch the moon rise over the horizon. There were toasts to the new moon, to friendship both new and old. It would have been a lovely evening if I was not so completely consumed with the kiddos.

Guangzhou and more specifically Shaman Island have changed a lot in the 6 years we have been away. The most glairing change is in the prices of things! Everything is very expensive, it seems even for western standards prices are high. John and Daniel went to dinner at our favorite restaurant on the island, Cow and Bridge, while Cosette and I were away. They shared an entrée with two bowls of rice and drinks, for $40 dollars. Prices in the stores have doubled and tripled also.

We have now joined the travel group from our adoption agency. There are six other families I believe. They have been together as a group for the majority of the trip. There are several girls close to Cosette’s age in the group and Cosette quickly made friends with a few of the girls. It is nice for her to have some English speaking friends for a few days. Unfortunately, Daniel was jealous and clearly felt left out. You can understand, she has been his companion and friend for the past two weeks and she was suddenly gone, leaving him alone with mom and dad. I’m sure he was confused also. On the bus Cosette sat in the back with her friends while Daniel sat with me. Periodically he would look back there and yell “jie jieh” (big sister). It was sweet to see him concerned about and miss her.

Yesterday was another outing, this time to a safari park where we road a train through a wildlife park, watching all the animals from all over the world. It was nice that we didn’t have to walk in the intense heat. It’s between 95 and 100 degrees here during the day with high humidity. After we got of the train, we walked to the Panda display. This time there were a dozen or more pandas to see. Again, a highlight for Cosette. We got separated from the group for a while, which was evidentially stressful for the group, but we were enjoying our selves.

Today, Tuesday, we take Daniel to his medical exam. The U.S. government requires this, not sure exactly why. Then we work on paperwork for the U.S. visa. I’ve filled out all our forms, but the guide needs to double check everything. Tomorrow the forms are taken to the U.S. Consulate so Daniel’s entrance visa can be issued. Thursday we have the official searing in ceremony. If it’s like last time, the big group is asked to all raise their right hand and promise to parent our children, and some other things I don’t remember. No big deal. Friday we head home! Our trip home will be long and grueling. We leave early on Friday; fly from Guangzhou to Hong Kong, collect our bags and transfer to our international carrier, United. We then take the 12.5 hour flight to San Francisco, transfer again and fly home, arriving about 4 p.m. Friday afternoon at DFW finally! We will be glad to be home. This has been a very long, tiring, expensive, difficult trip. It has also been a very wonderful, fun and exciting trip. We will be happy to be home.

Thanks for following along with us.

Tonya

Zhanjiang SWI... blessings from Heaven!

2008-09-13T09:38:00.008-05:00

Well, I want to say that words fail me as I try to describe the events of today, but I’m going to describe it so that wouldn’t be entirely true. It was amazing, incredible, unbelievable, spectacular, moving, intense, emotional, wonderful, surprising, miraculous, mind-blowing, remarkable, astounding, inconceivable, fantastic… just a few words that come to mind, but they still aren’t quite right. Cosette and I are both going to need some time and space to process today’s events. Perhaps I’ll write more about my thoughts and feelings another day. For now I’ll do my best to simply describe the events of the past 24 hours.

As we prepared to leave Liaoning we asked Maggie, our guide, to explain once again to Daniel that Cosette and I would be leaving the following morning, Saturday. That we would go to Cosette’s orphanage and return the next day. This was not the first time we had told him, but we wanted to be sure he was not surprised. He was sad at first and resistant, then as he began to understand that John would be staying with him, that our big suitcases with all Cosette and my things would be there with them he began to accept it.

The flight from Shenyang to Guangzhou was relatively uneventful. It was fun to experience Daniel’s excitement over flying. Everything was new and exciting. Mama cha, Mama cha! (Mom look!) was repeated about a 100 times. We arrived in Guangzhou around midnight Friday night. The kiddo’s were wound up, we had a crib in the room instead of cots for the kids and it seemed we had about a dozen other problems with the room, but we were so exhausted we couldn’t think straight so we asked for the cots and told the guide we would deal with the other issues in the morning. By the time the kids were asleep it was after 1 a.m. Yikes, I thought, I’m going pay for this tomorrow. BTW – John was amazing today. He sat between the kiddo’s on the plane and basically took care of them the entire trip. It was a great break for me.

This morning Daniel woke up first. He was surprised and scared when he woke up. He couldn’t figure out where he was and he started crying at the top of his lungs. Poor little guy was really scared. Of course, I collected him and took him to our bed to try to calm him down and get back to sleep. Well, the first happened, but not the second. He and I were both operating on about 5 hours sleep!

We had arranged to have lunch with Snoopy’s parents (Snoopy was our exchange student who lived with us for 10 months back in 2007). They came to our hotel and directed us to a private room for an amazing banquet. There was course after course of amazing food. Plenty of things I didn’t recognize, and things I did too. What a wonderful extravagance! After the meal, we collected our suitcase, said a quick good bye to Daniel and John and were whisked away to the airport. Mr. Gu (Snoopy’s dad) is clearly a man of significant influence because we were treated like rock stars. We used a private entrance to the airport, waited for our flight in a luxurious room, had the security process done in that private room, and were served tea and treats while we waited. Then when it was time for the flight, we were driven in a private van to the side of the plane where we boarded the plane from a private entrance. Amazing, and beyond first class!

After the 45 minute flight we were met by a contingent of SUV’s that drove our group, now about 10 or so people to the orphanage. I video taped much of the drive, not knowing when we would turn a corner and be there! Good thing John is a great editor, we will need it! Anyway, we entered the orphanage grounds where some of the elementary children seemed to be putting on a performance. We stopped and watched for a few minutes. There were at least a hundred people there milling around the courtyard so when suddenly someone introduced the two people next to me as Cosette’s foster family I was completely thrown. These too, standing here watching? “Yes”. Well, I immediately started to tear up. Imagine! These are the hands that held my princess; the loving voice that sang to her; the arms that held her; the eyes she looked into trustingly for 12 months! What to say? How do I start to tell them the depth of my gratitude? How do I convey to them what a gift they have given me? My head was spinning. Fortunately, we were invited into a conference room inside to talk, so during the 5 minute walk I had a chance to collect my thoughts.

Cosette seemed shy and a little un-engaging. I believe it was just too much for her. How does she process what she was experiencing? If it’s putting me in a tail spin, imagine how she was feeling? I simply can’t!

Once in the conference room and seated, I was able to have a conversation with her foster mom and dad. I asked many questions, they told stories of her babyhood, they gave us a picture of their family, including Cosette, during the time Cosette was living with them. Both moms cried, her foster dad’s eyes swelled with tears several times but he held back. It was… words; help me with the words… a miracle! In the picture above and to the left you see Cosette's foster parents seated next to us. We had prepared a book of photos for them. Pictures of Cosette over the years. We put our phone number and address in the book in several places, hoping they will contact us again. We have no way of contacting them, this is not allowed by the orphanage.

Mr. Gu (Snoopy’s dad) had an schedule, so fairly quickly we were whisked off again. This time to go to Cosette’s finding spot, Potou hospital. At the hospital we took pictures, had a look around and finally went to the maternity ward. Mr. Gu said something about perhaps Cosette was born here so he wanted us to have pictures in that area and with the nurses. It was good to be able to go there. So many times, nightly for many years, we told Cosette her story before bed. We would tell about the hero’s her birth parents were to have found a way to save her life by bringing her to the Potou hospital where people who know how to take care of babies would find her and take care of her. Now we were standing in the very spot where the “crowd of people” reported they found a baby, my baby girl, Cosette! It’s all a little more then I could take.

As we walked around the courtyard, through the corridors of the hospital and drove through the surrounding streets I couldn’t help but think “does she look like any of these people?” “Could any of them be aunts or uncles, cousins or sisters?” She and I talked about that a little. I don’t think she was quite ready for that conversation.

At dinner and then later in the hotel as we talked about the day she asked me quite a few questions. She is really working on putting it all together in her head. She was clearly exhausted physically and emotionally and wanted me to stay in bed with her as she fell asleep. She wrested her cheek on top of my hand, holding tight to my arm. She is clearly feeling things she is unable to articulate.

An amazing day! I’ll post a few pics. For the fellow Zhanjiang parents, I’ll post more pictures tomorrow. We did not tour the orphanage, so I probably didn’t get a lot of pics that would be of much interest to anyone other then our family.

Feeling blessed beyond measure!
Tonya

Just a quick note before I sleep

2008-09-12T12:30:00.002-05:00

Just a quick note to say we made it to Guangzhou tonight. The kiddos are asleep and I am about to hit the hay too. John’s back seems to be slowly improving.

We will all have lunch with Snoopy’s parents tomorrow, and then Cosette and I will head to Zhanjiang around 2 p.m. We are flying, not driving as was originally planned. We are quite happy about that! We were not looking forward to 6 hours on the road tomorrow. I’ll take a 45 minute flight any day. Cosette is so excited about our excersion. I can't imagine what it will be like, meeting her foster family. Amazing! As usual I'll take all the pics I can for our fellow Zhanjiang families.

Daniel is doing well. He was so excited about the plane trip, but definitely a little clingier then usual. He didn’t let us out of arms reach. When I put him to bed tonight he wouldn’t relax until I got in bed with him AND he wanted me to take my glasses off. Smart kid, he knows mom doesn't wear her glasses when she sleeps!

Perhaps I will post more tomorrow morning after some sleep, but it’s almost 2a.m. here and I must rest. The kiddos will be up at 7 probably.

T (for J, C & D)

Playing Dress Up in China

2008-09-11T10:08:00.007-05:00

Sorry about the short post yesterday. With John incapacitated, the kids require a lot more of me and once I got the kiddo’s to bed I really needed some alone time to rejuvenate. I had a bath, read a bit from a book, listened to worship music on my iPod, enjoyed some dark chocolate covered prunes (you know what those do for you, right?) and went bed. Today was a new day, better in some ways.

We were able to get John to a Chinese doctor. He poked around on John’s back and rattled off in Chinese to Maggie and left the room. He came back with an herbal compress that he attached to John’s back. Gave us verbal instructions to change the compress every other day and not to eat a gazillion different things (fish, beef, chicken, mutton, etc). Basically all he’s supposed to eat is fruit and veggies only for 10 days. Ha, have you met my carnivore? Not likely to happen, but we happily paid the 35 yuan (about $5) for the visit and took our herbs to go. John is feeling better, hopefully the herbs are helping. It could be the Aleve too. We will know more when the meds wear off by the morning. Thanks for your well wishes and prayers. Picture above and to the right is the Doc preparing John's herbs.

Tomorrow could be a difficult day, the morning packing then a 3.5 hours flight to Guangzhou. John’s back is a concern, but also Daniel likely has no concept of an airplane. We have been talking about it a bit, but until it happens you just have no idea how he will respond.

After the Dr’s visit, we dropped John back at the hotel and went to the arboretum. It was beautiful, but in a completely different way then I expected. There were a lot of architectural structures that were beautiful. Not as many flowers. I’ll try to post a slide show for you to enjoy. There was a spot where for 5 yuan each, the kids could dress up in traditional Chinese clothes and have their picture taken. They are adorable! Cosette is dressed in Tibetan dress, and Daniel like a little Chinese Emperor. What fun to get to play dress-up in China!

Daniel did fairly well today. We had one indicant in the gardens this afternoon, but we got through it relatively well. Later that afternoon in the hotel I thought I’d set Daniel up with a movie for some down time. He wanted to watch Cars. I thought he had seen Cars about a dozen times already (remember the 4-5 hour van rides to and from Dalian) and maybe he would enjoy Ratatouille instead. I told him, mostly with mime and gestures, that it was really funny and he finally decided to give it a go. Sure enough, about 10 minutes later we hear roaring laughter coming from our little guy. He is laughing so hard I think he’s going to cry. He cackled for the rest of the movie. It was such a joy to listen and watch him enjoy that movie.

Well, we leave Liaoning tomorrow, finally. John and I were talking about our trip today and realizing that most families would be packing to head home tomorrow, rather then preparing for another week in China. We do love China, and are appreciative for the time to learn more about it and its people, but we are also ready to be home too. Being in Guangzhou will be a little easier, at least there are some people there who speak English! Our guide is about the only person in Shenyang that we have found that speaks good English. There are a few people at McDonalds and KFC who have learned enough English to navigate their menu, but not much more than that. It will also be nice to be in a hotel where there are other adoptive families we can connect with.

Well, it’s 11 p.m. and I need to head to bed.

Be well my friends,
Tonya (for J, C & D)

Please pray for John's back

2008-09-10T05:23:00.004-05:00

I think tonight’s post will be short. I’m tired and need to focus on the kids. John’s back has been much worse today, he is now under the covers and thankfully sleeping. He was in a lot of pain today. Please pray for relief. If he doesn’t get better I’m not sure what we will do. It’s difficult to manage the kids by myself, although I am able. The problem is more complex. We have a trip planned for Cosette and I to go to her orphanage in southern China on Saturday and Sunday, and to leave John and Daniel in Guangzhou. This trip is very important for Cosette as she is going to have the opportunity to meet her foster family and see her orphanage. Canceling the trip is not an option. But leaving John in his current condition alone with Daniel is not an option either. We have medication, but it only eases the pain slightly and makes John sleep. That won’t help if he needs to keep up with a 6 year old boy. I’ve asked our guide to recommend a traditional Chinese massage to see if it helps, he may even be willing to try acupuncture, we shall see.

Anyway, please lift John in your prayers.

A couple of pictures of our trip to the Banxi Water Caves, it was truly amazing but my camera’s flash couldn’t illuminate enough to get good pics. Sorry.

Blessings,
Tonya

Shenyang Imperial Palace and Mausoleum

2008-09-09T06:39:00.005-05:00

Today was a fun and interesting day of sightseeing. We visited the Imperial Palace and Mausoleum. The Imperial Palace was built around 1625-30 during the Qing era. It is the second largest completely preserved palace China. It was the home of the first two Qing emperors, Nurhachi and Huang Taiji. It was really interesting, and quite beautiful. The Mausoleum we visited is the burial place of Huang Taiji and his wife. I took a lot of pictures so I’ll post a slide show so you can see most of them.

Daniel had a very good day. Thanks for your prayers. He only had one episode today. I don’t know what upset him, honestly it might just have been grief, nothing specific, but he was hitting himself and crying loudly (one might call it screaming). I stayed in the room with him and sent John and Cosette on to breakfast. I rocked Daniel for some time while he cried, holding him like I might a baby. I’ve read that if he missed the baby bonding stage he will need to experience it in order to bond in a healthy way. He was resistant to that position, so I turned him toward me and held his body against mine, his legs straddling me, facing toward me holding his arms under mine so he could not hit himself. He fought me at first, but soon melted into my chest, crying deep gut wrenching tears. We cried together for a short while. It was an exhausting experience both physically and emotionally.

The rest of the day has been delightful. Daniel is such a sweet child. He openly and freely gives us hugs and kisses. He makes great eye contact (except during the grieving episodes) and is trying so hard to be an Eisenhauer. Tonight when I was kissing the kids goodnight, I first went to Daniel and kissed him, hugged in (while he lay in bed) and told him I loved him. Then I walked around to Cosette and did the same. She jumped up and hugged me standing up, holding onto my neck and hanging there for a second. Daniel thought he had been left out, jumped up and got "into position" standing on the bed, holding his hands up in the air and then he shouted "mama come". He wanted the same full body, me holding him hug that Cosette got. He is so affectionate and loving!He continues to ask us to take him to “my new mamma’s house”. He really doesn’t understand why we are not headed to Texas now. Honestly, I don’t completely understand that myself.

On that subject, we will be in Shenyang another few days. You see, this province requires adoptive families to spend 10 working days in province. We arrived on a Sunday, so that means we had to spend 13 days here. On Friday our guide will pickup Daniel’s Chinese passport and with that in hand, we can leave for Guangzhou and the U.S. portion of our adoption process. Yeah!

Please pray for John. His back started acting up today. We are only ½ way through this trip, and we all need him to be mobile! He is resting now with some pain relievers, but he can’t take those during the day AND function normally. Please pray that as John sleeps tonight the muscles will relax!

A quick “Praise the Lord”; last night we spent two hours getting Daniel to sleep. It was an epic battle. Tonight 45 minutes and he’s asleep. No tears and no yelling (Daniel yells when he’s frustrated), no hitting himself on the head! Thank you Jesus; and thank you friends for praying with us.

Well, enjoy the pictures. Have a wonderful Tuesday. I’ll “see” you again tomorrow!

Beyond blessed,
Tonya

Is he sad or mad? or both?

2008-09-08T08:57:00.005-05:00

Hi all. After a quick stop at Daniels orphanage to drop off the milk powder and biscuits (both specifically requested by the director), and a 4 hour drive we are back in Shenyang. I didn't take very many pictures today. Right is a pic of Cosette and Daniel giving the gifts to the Director and Mrs. Pan. Below left is Cosette saying goodbye to our Dalian guide, Ilene. Far below on the right are Cosette and Daniel sweetly playing gameboy together.

I’m concerned that I’ve painted to rosy a picture of Daniel’s adjustment to us; and ours to him. It has not been all fun and games. But who would expect that? The fact is, it’s difficult! Daniel has spent 6 years going back and forth between an orphanage and his foster family, never sure what to expect. He has been suddenly removed from everything familiar and placed in this family that smells, looks and sounds so very different. He can’t communicate; he has little or no control over his life at all. I’d be concerned if he wasn’t frustrated.

We are having a lot of fun; we laugh and play most of the time together. But he also has moments of frustration and anger; perhaps he doesn’t understand, perhaps he is afraid? I probably won’t ever know for sure. He rages some during these moments, screaming at us in Mandarin and flailing his legs and arms. It’s very sad. We hold him, make sure he isn’t able to hurt himself or anyone else, and we do our best to reassure him. Rocking and kissing his head, praying for him and loving him the best we know how.

It seems also that he has never heard the word “no”. It’s hard to believe that in the orphanage he was allowed to do what he wanted, but it seems to be the case. He melts into tearful fits if we don’t buy this or that, or when he doesn’t get to sit where he wants, or if he perceives Cosette got some privilege that he did not.

It is difficult to know how to parent a child with whom you can’t communicate. Did he really understand the instruction and disobey? Or did he simply have no idea what we were saying? Perhaps culturally our actions communicated something we did not intend, or maybe he was told his American parents would give him anything he wanted?

Please pray that we would have God’s wisdom!

Tomorrow the Imperial Palace and Mausoleum then a famous dumpling restaurant! Should be a treat for the adults, I hope the kids like it too. Thanks for following along. Cosette wakes up every morning and runs to the computer to see if we have any comments! We enjoy the connection to home. Tomorrow marks the half way point for our trip. I may run out of things to say soon (tee hee).

Be a blessing today!
Tonya

Good bye Dalian

2008-09-07T08:33:00.005-05:00

Today Daniel started trying to speak English. He was copying a lot of what we said. It started in the van, driving to or from the Sea World type park today, I don't recall specifically. Cosette was playing “Bubble Gum Bubble Gum” with Ilene. This is a regular game for Cosette, played at least once each time we are in the van, so Daniel has had plenty of opportunities to hear it. All of a sudden I noticed him from the back seat quietly saying “babble gam, babble gam…” He continued with some Chinese/English gibberish then went back to “babble gum…” I pointed it out to John and we enjoyed listening for a few minutes. Then John encouraged him and taught him the rest of the phrase “in a dish.” That was enough for one lesson. As the day went on, we helped him with English words and he happily repeated them, very well I might add. He tried please, thank you, excuse me, and a bunch of others. It’s fun to see him trying.

John and I have noticed an interesting difference between China 6 years ago and now. We have been in different cities this time, so it may be somewhat because of geography or northern culture vs. southern Chinese culture. Who knows? The people simply seem much happier. They smile in the streets and we hear laughter around us. The people seemed much more stern in 2002. It’s a nice change!

People in Dalian seem to have sharper features in their faces, more square shaped faces rather than a round or oval faces. They are also definitely taller and more stoutly built then the people we encountered in the south.

Dalian is a very beautiful city. It is on an ocean peninsula. The weather is relatively mild in September, “never too hot or too cold”, according to our guide, and this is our experience also.

It has been a great privilege to spend these four days learning about Dalian and her people. When we walk the streets and see the people, I wonder, could that one be his birth mom? Will he look like that man when he’s older? And other questions, of course. We are preparing to leave Dalian tomorrow morning, and with her we leave all connections to Daniel’s birth and foster families. I am sad for Daniel. Our happiness, the addition of him to our family as our son, brings with it the prerequisite sadness and loss of his birth family and country. It is an emotional dichotomy that has haunted me for years for Cosette, and now for Daniel as well. We will do our best to bring a piece of Dalian and its people home with us in our hearts. We will teach him about our love for his country and hope and pray that he chooses to love her too, and not to resent her for the wounds inflicted upon him by her.

By God’s grace,
Tonya

Friday and Saturay in Dalian

2008-09-06T09:58:00.007-05:00

After the orphanage visit on Friday we went shopping in the Russian district. For a period of Dalian’s history Russian invaders occupied the city. As a result there is a strong Russian influence in some of the architecture. It was so strange to walk down a Chinese street but see matrushka dolls (not sure about the spelling, but these are the nesting dolls Russians are famous for), Russian music blaring and flags waving. Talk about culturally confusing! We weren’t really interested in the Russian wares so we only stayed long enough to take in the strange yet interesting environment.

Next we went to a Chinese tea store and sampled several teas. The Chinese do know good tea. I purchased my favorite, Jasmine. We also had a chance to sample several moon cakes and found one we all really enjoyed. Cosette enjoyed having a Chinese tea party!

In the late afternoon we went shopping for shoes for Daniel. The ones he has been wearing were too small.

The next thing on the schedule was a little play time at a park for the kids. Evidentially there are no playgrounds within walking distance so we went to a park with open green areas and brought a beach ball to kick around. After everyone tired of that game we walked around and found these statues. Each of the kids found their “animal” so we took pictures of them on the statues. There was a local artist in the park who would paint your name with flowers and birds around. See the pics. I think considering the 5 minutes he spent on each one that he did a great job. Cosette and Daniel both really enjoyed watching and I’m sure they will treasure the paintings in the future. One funny thing, once the paintings were dry, the painter asked if we wanted them “in plastic”. Wondering what he meant we asked him to show us. He pulled out a little laminator, right there in the park he plugged in and laminated the paintings!

Today we were off to Ocean Park and some fun in the sun. The park is huge, and I’m sure we didn’t see half of it. Once the kids saw the rides it was all over! We spent a couple of hours watching the kids have a blast. It’s really gratifying to see them enjoy each other.

Our next stop was a shell museum. It was very interesting, but a little slow for the kids. We didn’t linger too long.

The scenic ocean drive was next. What a glorious view! Unfortunately, the kids were tired, but not worn out enough to sleep. They were not at all impressed and wanted us to move on to something “fun”.

Sorry kids, but shopping for the orphanage was next. We purchased the requested milk powder and biscuits. I think they will be surprised by the volume! We cleared the shelf.

We finished our day with a dip in the pool at the hotel, hot baths for the kids and noodles in our room for dinner. We will all sleep well tonight.

Goodnight!
Tonya

Dalian Social Welfare Institute

2008-09-05T08:25:00.008-05:00

Today was our orphanage visit. As we drove, we asked Ilene to once again explain to Daniel that we were just going to the orphanage to visit and say good bye. I told him I wanted him to show me where he lived but that I knew he didn’t live there anymore. He lived with us, his family. He wanted to sit in my lap in the van, and hold my hand as we walked in the building but he quickly warmed up. He proudly introduced us as “my mama and my baba” to Mrs. Pan and the Director of the orphanage. They laughed and he was a little mad.

Next we started the tour. (A side note. There are several families who I know are reading, who are waiting to go adopt their children from this orphanage. For them, I’m going to give details that otherwise might not be interesting. Sorry. We parents live for each and every detail we can glean while we are waiting. So others reading bear with me).

We went up a couple flights of stairs to a pristine floor. I had to assume it was prepared for our visit, particularly clean, etc. Then again, that’s what I do when visitors come to my house so I guess it’s expected. The first room we went into was the 2-3 month old room; there were five cribs, each with a baby in it. The babies were dressed in the exact same outfit so it was difficult to be sure if they were girls or boys. We were allowed to pick them up, and I took a couple of pictures before we were asked not to take pictures of the children’s faces. Honestly, we tried to follow the rules, but a couple of faces are in our pictures anyway. The second room was for 4-6 month olds. I believe there were 6 cribs, all but one had babies in them, and the 6^th baby was in a stroller in the same room. Oh and there was only one nanny in each of the baby rooms. We were not invited into the third baby room with the older babies, although from my quick look through the window it wasn’t much bigger then the first two. It was really fun to play with the babies for a few minutes. But one thing was striking; the baby rooms were almost silent. Eerily so. I felt sad for these little ones, and tried to imagine Daniel in one of those cribs, silently waiting for a mom to hold him.

Next we went up more stairs and were quickly ushered down a corridor and into a classroom with several children in it. I fell back from the group and took pictures of the other rooms; kitchen, wash room, showers, beds, etc. When Mrs. Pan noticed I was missing she asked me to join the group (but I had already gotten my pics J). In the school room there were 6 little ones, between 2 and 4 I’m guessing. There was one little guy who was 7 or 8 probably. They told us he was mute and that he was abandoned on their doorstep yesterday. What sadness filled my heart. It’s hard to imagine his pain.

Daniel pointed out three of the little ones, and told us he knew them. One in particular seemed to be a friend. In the picture here (above to the right) Daniels friend is the fourth in the row. Second from the window. They spoke briefly and Daniel said “goodbye friend” in Mandarin. Sadness rushes over me once again.

Next there was what looked like play rooms, although they could have been therapeutic rooms too. I don’t know. I saw a ball pit, colorful mats and stuffed animals.

In the final picture (below) are left to right on the back row, Mrs. Pan, the President of the orphanage (I don’t believe I ever heard his name), me, John, then the orphanage director and our guide Ilene is on the end. The kiddos in the front row don’t need introductions.

As we went outside the adults were talking. I had asked them what the orphanage needed because we wanted to purchase something specifically to help them as they care for these precious kiddos. However, Daniel, who was ever vigilantly looking for John and I while we were inside the orphanage, was now more concerned with leaving. He said “hello, good bye” loudly to all in English and ran to our van, jumped in and promptly sat down. It was from this vantage point that he finally seemed to relax again.

Thanks to those who were praying for us today. We felt your prayers.

Tonya (for J, C & D)

A treat for Cosette

2008-09-04T06:08:00.006-05:00

Over the past few days Cosette has been amazing. She has patiently endured little brother pestering her, using her things and sharing mom and dad. She has been generous, kind, and amazingly patient while Daniel, John and I focused on adoption paperwork. In my quiet time a few days ago I thanked God for Cosette and her incredible attitude and I asked him for some opportunity to do something for Cosette; something really special, and just for her.

Today was exactly that. Cosette loves pandas. She probably has 50 or more pandas of every kind in her room. On her 5^th birthday she asked her guests to contribute to helping save the pandas rather then give her gifts. She really does care for these Chinese treasures. It was a complete surprise yesterday when we learned that we were going to go to the Dalian Forest Zoo and see a panda up close. Thank you Father for caring for my baby girl and giving her this special treat!

Some of you have asked specific questions about Daniel so I’ll try to answer those questions:

Size – the one pair of shorts we brought that fit say size “medium”. The size small Gap swim trunks are too big, although the draw string makes them livable. The size 6 under ware is a little big but it’s probably good that it’s big. Daniel was in very roomy boxers when we met him and the briefs we brought are clearly not his favorite. The shirts I brought are size small and medium and they fit well.

Language – Daniel is trying to say some English words. Hello was his first. It’s really cute, he says “Hallo” smiles a full tooth grin and waves. John has it on video, precious. He said “please” today and “car” which is his favorite subject. He talks constantly and is quite dramatic in his inflections. It’s really sad we do not understand his stories. Just a few minutes ago he came over and told me some long elaborate story, dramatizing some of it with actions; marching, dancing, smiling and frowning. It was clearly something funny to him. But I have no idea what he was saying. Very frustrating!

He clearly understands several things. 1) “Daniel NO!” I’m finding myself say that more often then I prefer. I usually like to redirect rather then constantly saying no, but it’s much more difficult without a shared language. Safety alone requires immediate communication sometimes. 2) “Share with sister”. That’s another I repeat fairly often. He really is kind hearted and shares when he understands. But he doesn’t think to share unless directed to do so. 3) “Hello” and “goodbye” are universal I think. He definitely gets those.

Name – We still us Heng and Daniel intermittently. He is starting to respond to the name Daniel. Not sure how he feels about it, but he responds.

Pray for Daniel tomorrow. We are visiting his orphanage in the morning. Today we asked our guide to help him understand what was going to happen, that we were going to see what his life was like when he lived in the orphanage and to say good bye to his friends and nannies. We also wanted him to know he was coming with us back to the hotel and home to America later this month. Immediately when the subject of the orphanage came up he began to protest, wiggle in his seat and ask to sit with me (mom). I pray tomorrow’s visit is not too disturbing. I think it’s important on many levels. It’s important for him to say good bye; for us to see where he lived off and on over his 6 years here in Dalian and it’s important for sister to see what an orphanage in China really like. We appreciate your prayers.

Tonya (for J, C & D)

Shenyang to Dalian

2008-09-03T07:37:00.002-05:00

We got up early this morning, packed our luggage and headed to Dalian, a four hour ride. We got about 20 minutes down the road and I just about had a heart attach. I had forgotten to get our money out of the safe in our room. The driver did the quickest u-turn I’ve ever seen. Maggie , our guide, made furious phone calls to the hotel and we were assured all was well. We would be back at the hotel in a few minutes to collect our money. Whew!

We were back on the road again but now we were running late. We needed to get to the police station to apply for Daniel’s Chinese passport by 1 p.m. Our driver is amazing; in fact, I’m impressed with most of the drivers in China. They don’t obey many rules of the road, but they can squeeze a van into a parking space the size of a Mini! I’m often amazed by the tight spots they are able to wiggle in and out of. Anyway, I digress. We arrived in Dalian and headed to the police station. First was the line for the photo. Wow! It was wrapped around the building. Fortunately, Mrs. Pan had connections. We were directed to the front of the line. Now let me tell you getting there was not easy. I had to wedge my body between people, pushing my way through the crowd trying to push Daniel through the crowd also. We did finally make it to the front of the line. It’s a good thing I don’t understand Mandarin because I’m quite sure many of those folks in the line were cursing at us, and for good reason. I’d be upset too in their circumstances.

After the passport photo we waited, and waited…I guess it was harder to cut in the second line. We were finally ushered into a small glass office where an officer asked a couple of questions. First he questioned me as my passport says I was born in Papua New Guinea, which threw him I guess. Then he asked if I had any children of “my own”. That question grates at my nerves but I decided this wasn’t the time or place for a lesson in appropriate adoption lingo. Please never ask an adoptive parent if they have children of their own. YES, my children ARE MY OWN. Anyway, I answered appropriately. "No I don’t have any biological children." The final question was “why do you want to adopt a Chinese boy?” Of course I was able to easily answer this question. I want to love him, be his mom and teach him, watch him grow. I want my daughter to have a brother. I could have gone on but kept it short. He said “ok” everything is good. We thanked him and headed to our hotel.

Tonight we took the kids to the pool. It was clearly Daniel’s first swim. When he saw the pool he immediately removed his swim trunks and wanted to get into the pool in his skivvies. Obviously that wasn’t going to work. I helped him get the swim trunks back on, but not without much protest from him. Once we got him in the pool he forgot all else and just had a blast. It was a great bonding time, him being just afraid enough to have to depend on us to keep him safe. He and John played and played, loving every minute.

We are now trying to settle in for the night. It has been a little rough tonight. I guess we got him a little too wound up at the pool.

That’s the scoop from China today. Tomorrow we are going to the Zoo with the promise of seeing pandas. Cosette is beside herself!

No pictures today. Sorry.

Tonya (for J, C & D)

Adoption Day

2008-09-02T06:47:00.005-05:00

Today was a more difficult day, but mostly because I was so tired. Cosette woke up at 3:30 a.m., hungry and ready for the day. Of course, we couldn’t start our day. She and I had a snack in the bathroom so we wouldn’t wake up Daniel and John. Then I made my big mistake, I invited her to crawl in bed with me because unfortunately, Cosette really was awake. Really? Awake now? At 3:30 in the morning? Yikes. We lay in bed and rested. Each time I was about to fall asleep Cosette would wiggle or something and wake me up again. Finally about 5:30 we gave up and got up. So please forgive me if this entry is not entirely lucid. I truly am exhausted.

After breakfast we drove back to the Civil Affairs building to complete the adoption proceedings. John and I signed forms and we had our finger prints taken and Cosette and Daniel blew bubbles, colored and played with cars. The kids were amazingly good and we were done with everything in about two hours. So its official, Daniel is now and Eisenhauer! Amazing that in the blink of an eye a child can become yours forever.

(Pictures right and above, Daniel being hand printed for the adoption documents; left and below, Mrs. Pan, Daniel and Cosette. And yes, I just missed Cosette kissing his cheek, right and far below D & C blowing bubbles under the conference room table as mom and dad signed adoption papers)

Our guide had no sight seeing, shopping or dining out planned. She kept saying “business before pleasure.” Her determined point was that we must finish the business of the adoption and passport, all the paperwork before we do any fun things. The problem is that the “business” only took all of two hours and we had the rest of the day we played the “what can we do next” game. We played with the beach balls then play dough. Daniel and Cosette did more tumbling on the bed, then on the floor also. Daniel demanding we clap each time he did a somersault or other trick; and of course it was our pleasure to do so. He is a little ham. The kids watched a cartoon while John and I worked on financial stuff. Then we walked around in the area, checked out Wal-Mart and the underground shopping. We had a nice Chinese dinner and retired early.

Daniel is doing great; he did exasperate me a little today, although I believe it was mostly because I am so very tired.

Tomorrow, Wednesday, we drive to Dalian, Daniels home city to process his passport. It’s about a four hour drive. We leave at 7:30 a.m. Thursday we will do some sightseeing in Dalian and Friday will be our orphanage visit. We are still hopeful that we will meet Daniel’s foster family. I continue to ask and Mrs. Pan has yet to say “no”. We shall see. Saturday and Sunday we will do more sightseeing. Monday we return to Shenyang, where we are now. I understand internet connections in Dalian are not as good so there is a chance we will not be able to post from there.

It’s 7:45, the kids are asleep, John is reading and I am drifting in and out of coherent thought so I’ll sign off for today.

Tonya

Daniel

2008-09-01T07:52:00.007-05:00

My three bugs are all snug in a rug so I have a few minutes to write an update.

Today was a wonderful, amazing, exhausting and surreal day. We woke up early, excited of course, but also because of the time difference. The three hours waiting to go down to meet Maggie, our guide, in the lobby went by at a snails pace. Breakfast was fine, not too much we recognized on the buffet. At 8:40 we met Maggie but the driver was late so I had time to run to Starbucks around the corner while John, Cosette and Maggie waited at the hotel.

As we drove to the Civil Affairs building my stomach began to feel like butterflies were in there. I finally allowed myself to get excited! We went inside, up an elevator, around a corner and into a conference room where Daniel waited for us with Mrs. Pan from his orphanage. He was pensive at first, but quickly warmed up. I pulled out matching Mini and Mickey Mouse stuffed animals for him and Cosette. At first he was shy about taking it, but Mrs. Pan rattled something to him and he took it and gave me a full tooth grin. That was the first sign of his beautiful personality coming out. He is a delight; all smiles, laughter, teasing and playing. We pulled out the picture book of our house, with pictures of each room. As John pointed to each bedroom he said “mama and baba” (mom and dad’s room) then jie jieh (big sister) and di di (little brother) for our respective rooms. He was very excited and went back to his room several times. We then looked at the pictures of the family; first of Cosette with John and I, then individual shots of each of us and of course the cat Molly. Finally I pulled out the pictures of Daniel that I’ve been carrying in my purse for the past 10 months and placed them each in the album telling him Daniel is now with his forever family pointing to each of us saying "mama, baba, jie jieh and finally him, di di. Maggie translated for us, then told us that Heng, Daniels Chinese name means “forever". An amazing moment!

Daniel was a little confused about the hotel. He expected to go to our home, the ones in the pictures. Maggie told him we would be staying in hotels for a few weeks. He asked how many days and Maggie told him. He repeated “17!, no too many” emphatically in Mandarin then told Maggie to take him to his new mama’s house now. He continued to ask this, almost demand it a couple more times throughout the day. Take me to new mama’s house NOW, pulling out the pictures and pointing to the picture of the outside of our home. If we could we would little man, believe me!

I know this is likely to be a honeymoon phase but the balance of the day has been a joy. Daniel is making great eye contact, he holds our hands anytime we go out, stoked my hair a few times, asks to sit in our laps, etc. All signs of healthy bonding.

We spent a good part of the rest of the day in our hotel room. First Daniel and I played a game on the computer. Then he said it again “take me to new mama’s house” but it sounded different this time and when I asked Maggie said that he said “there are no toys here!” Little does he know what that suitcase has in it!

We have a rule about beds and hotels. Cosette has always been allowed to jump on the beds at hotels. Well, we have this gigantic king sized bed and she has been having a ball jumping and tumbling on it. Daniel took a while to warm up to the idea but he finally jumped up there with her and started jumping. This is when the giggles started. The four of us laughed and laughed. The kids jumped, tickled each other and generally played as if they had known each other for years. What a joy!

Then I pulled out the beach balls. When Daniel realized what I had he squealed with delight, hardly able to wait for me to blow it up. Then when I blew up the second I thought he would wet his pants with excitement. What fun! We played with those balls for a good hour, most of it laughing out loud together.

The only quiet moments today were when Cosette and Daniel colored together. As usual, when Cosette finished her page, she tore it out and brought it to me. I praised her great work and put the page on the desk beside me. Sure enough a few minutes later Daniel was there beside me presenting his diligent work. Of course I praised his work and proudly displayed it beside Cosette's. At some point during the day John taught Daniel how to high five so we now have the obligatory 'hi fives' every time Daniel (or Cosette now) does something praiseworthy.

When we left for dinner tonight Daniel ran and grabbed my hand and rattled something with my name in it. This has been the only frustrating thing, not understanding him, or him us. He rattles on a mile a minute, much like his sister, but we just don’t know what he’s saying. The electronic translator doesn’t help much.

After dinner tonight we came back to the hotel and settled in to bed. Daniel fought sleep like it was his worst enemy. Sleep time is such a vulnerable time, I can’t imagine how it must feel to let go of the little control you have left. He just didn’t want to settle down. Eventually he lost the battle and drifted off into never never land.

Tomorrow is the formal adoption and a bunch of silly, but important paperwork. Wednesday we travel to Dalian to see Daniels home city, orphanage and we pray meet his foster family. The latter is unlikely, but we have made it clear this is our desire and we have not been told “no” yet.

Blessings from Shenyang,

Tonya

Tomorrow Daniel!

2008-08-31T09:13:00.007-05:00

So our journey to Daniel continues. Today, as we travel we continue to see God’s favor on us. A special thank you to our friend Kelly who decided to pray specifically for an upgrade in our seats; we got one! Our original seating assignments split us into two rows. When John asked them to rearrange and put us together I guess the only place they had three seats was a necessary upgrade. Thank you Kelly and thank you Jesus! Keep praying for favor. We are right now sitting in very comfortable seats, with plenty of leg room and all the amenities.

We saw Shawn Johnson (the American Olympic gymnast) in the airport in Dallas! Of and there are a bunch of Paralympics athletes on our flight. Cosette was star struck even though she knows none of their names or faces. It is impressive their feats of athleticism, and the things they overcome in order to be Olympians.

In a moment of clarity I remembered to tell Cosette about the water! I can’t believe we forgot to talk about that! Sorry if this is indelicate but for a few weeks we started teaching Cosette how to use a squatty potty,. We have been talking about all sorts of cultural things we might encounter; including staring that could happen because of the makeup of our family. How could I have forgotten about the water? Anyway, she now knows not to drink the water. The idea of tooth brushing with bottled water was a little hard for her to swallow, forgive the pun.

Another praise; when we arrive in Beijing we have to transition to a domestic flight on our own. It’s a huge international airport and I’m sure we can figure it out, but I was a little nervous about it. Well, our seat mate, beside John, is a Chinese business woman who lives and works in Houston. She is traveling on our exact flight Beijing to Shenyang! We don’t have to navigate the airport alone. Our God is one of big and small miracles!

Tomorrow morning (Monday for us, but Sunday evening for you) we will meet Daniel, 9 a.m. I’m excited about it, but also nervous. Recently John and I were talking about what it will be like when we meet Daniel. What do you do? What do you say? He will be a complete stranger to us, and more importantly us to him. Hugs will probably overwhelm and scare him. A handshake doesn’t seem appropriate. As we talked, coming up with ideas, games we can play, etc. we both were reminded that Cosette is going to be with us and that SHE will do whatever is natural and it will be exactly the right thing. She will break the ice between us and Daniel. We don’t mean to put undue pressure on her. We haven’t spoken about this specifically to her. We just know, based on her personality that this is what she will do.

I’ve been listening to my MP3 trying to block out the hubbub of the very active plane. One song keeps playing (it’s on shuffle): “When you call on Jesus, all things are possible.” We are living proof of that truth.

This evening we walked down to McDonalds to get some food for dinner. We really love Chinese food and would have happily indulged in a Chinese meal, but we were left on our own for dinner and were too tired to even THINK about finding a restaurant. We were walking, a little aimlessly down the block and saw the golden arches. We just couldn’t pass it. We had a quick bite, a bunch of staring, a big miscommunication about chocolate shakes and we were headed back to the hotel and bed in no time.

The pictures tell you how we are feeling about now. Must sleep! Keep in touch. We appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

Tonya

"De plane! De plane!"

2008-08-29T21:46:00.002-05:00

The bags are packed, the bills paid and the cat delivered to her temporary home. I think we are ready. Early tomorrow morning we get on the plane for China and our sweet Daniel! I wanted to send one last e-mail to remind you that our primary means of communication while in China will be our blogs. If possible, we will post to them regularly. Check in when you can and check out our progress.

Also check out www.CosetteInChina.blogspot.com. This is Cosette's (7) blog. Your kids might enjoy following along.

If you want to post a comment to our blog you have to sign up with Google first. At the end of a post click on "comments". Scroll down and click on "Sign up here". Follow the instructions to setup a Google account. Its free and easy to use. Basically all they want is a user name and password. After you have this account setup you can post comments.

We will meet Daniel on Sept. 1! That's Monday. Pray for his adjustment, and ours.

Blessings,
Tonya

Tired musings...

2008-08-28T00:24:00.001-05:00

Thanks to everyone who has blessed us by choosing to help bring Daniel home! Not more then 6 weeks ago we determined that we still needed about 12 thousand dollars in order to adopt Daniel. Although we are not yet all the way there, we have no question that God is our provider and that he is providing.

Over the past few weeks we have experienced so many miracles. There are so many ways God blessed us though you. We have received prayers of blessing, the best gas lease in the metroplex, an unexpectedly high quarterly bonus, amazingly generous friends and family, and the list goes on. God has encouraged us by your love, humbled us by your generosity and challenged us by your extravagance. What amazing people we have in our lives! I pray that Gods blessings overflow in your lives as they have in ours.

We leave for China with hearts full of the blessing of friendship. Thank you.

Continue to pray for us. Monday we will meet Daniel. He will immediately join us and stay with us throughout the three weeks we are in China. Although it is not likely, we are praying that we can meet Daniels foster family. We understand that he has been with them for the past 4 years. Continue to pray for Daniels adjustment, and ours. He will be experiencing so much change, honestly it’s more than I can really imagine, and yet he will be living it. May God’s mercy and grace abound.

On our first trip to China my mom and dad traveled with us. It was such a blessing to have them along. My dad passed away unexpectedly less then six months after we returned home making that time together in China even more treasured. As I prepare for this trip, I find myself missing daddy more than usual. Daniel was my dad’s name and now our son’s name. I feel sad that the two will never meet.

Well its midnight and I must go to work tomorrow. So, goodnight my friends.

Tonya

One Week...

2008-08-22T23:37:00.001-05:00

Only one week to wait! Yes, next Saturday we will board the plane at DFW early in the morning, three planes and 23 hours later we will get off the plane in Shenyang, Liaoning, Peoples Republic of China! After a nights sleep we will wake up and head to the civil affairs building where Daniel should be waiting for us. From then on he will be with us! Amazing, in just over a week we will be a family of 4!

I have made my comprehensive ‘TODO’ list and feel really good about our progress. Daniels room has been transformed into the packing room. It’s piled high with this and that, things that need to go into somebody’s suitcase. The scene is strangely familiar. How well I remember packing for our first trip to China. Thank goodness this time we don’t need to pack diapers or formula, bottles or blankets! All that baby stuff took a lot of room.

Have a great weekend!

Perspective

2008-08-20T17:14:00.002-05:00

A dear friend of mine committed suicide today. It has been a heart-wrenching day. Please pray for her dear husband and young son. My friend was a warm, kind, and generous person with a ready smile. I cherished her ability to be silly and have a good laugh and be serious and talk about the deep and important things in life too. Over the past years she had been burdened with cancer over and over again and faced it each time with faith in her Maker and a determination to get well. Unfortunately, in a moment of despair she decided could not face the future with this unrelenting disease. I love you Julie. I miss you already.

One thing is for sure; God has put my minor financial woes into perspective.

Tonya

The "Bad News"

2008-08-19T17:31:00.003-05:00

Well, today we got the bad news. We knew it was coming; anticipated it as much as we could but it still knocked the wind out of me when I read it. Because we have to stay in China an entire week longer then a normal adoption trip (required by Daniel’s Province) AND because we are bringing Cosette with us AND because Daniel is a “kidlet” instead of a baby AND because we are not traveling with a group, our in country travel expenses are going to be $8100 rather than the previously quoted $5000. When we started last November the quote was $2800 but early this summer it went up to $5000, now $8100! That was a huge and difficult pill to swallow. Oh and by the way, the bill arrives on the 19th and it’s on the 26th. How’s that for notice? Breathe Tonya, breathe.

I did some stress eating (popcorn and a piece of chocolate cake) then I snapped at Cosette a couple of times then finally I spent some time in prayer and I am starting to feel peaceful again. I don’t know what God’s doing but I do trust him and I know we will have the money needed when we need it (which is like um right now).

Keep praying with us!

Tonya (for John, Cosette and Daniel)

2 days til 40
6 days ‘til school starts
11 days ‘til we leave for China
13 days ‘til we meet Daniel

CA and Plane Tickets

2008-08-16T09:14:00.010-05:00

We have had a busy couple of days. After waiting 6 days (that’s 6 business days, it was actually 11 days instead of the normal 2 to 3 days) we received confirmation of our U.S. Consulate appointment (CA). We could not purchase our airline tickets until we had CA.

After two very intense days trying to find better fares, talking to 4 different travel agencies, with much encouragement from John and a lot of prayer I finally purchased our very expensive tickets. It was a very frustrating two days but God continues to assure us that HE IS IN CONTROL of all these details, and HE will provide completely for Daniel’s adoption.

We will fly out Saturday morning, Aug 30 at 7:46 a.m. and we return Friday, Sept. 19 at 4:11 p.m. It’s a really long trip! (I was hunting for a photo for this post and found so many great photos I couldn't decide so...)

We were not able to arrange any travel through AA, and therefore we couldn’t take advantage of the generously offered miles from our friends (thank you). AA’s flights simply didn’t work for our itinerary.

Our countdown continues…
5 days ‘til 40…
9 days until school starts
14 days until we leave for China
16 days until we meet Daniel!

Oh, our Chinese vias arrived Thursday... everything is falling into place.

I want to say thanks to those who have donated toward Daniel’s adoption. You aren’t seeing our “chip in” account grow because most of you have sent checks directly to us rather then using PayPal, but the total is growing and we are humbled and encouraged by your love and friendship.

Tonya

The Countdown...

2008-08-14T07:02:00.001-05:00

7 days until I’m 40...
11 days until school starts...
16 days until we get on the airplane for China...
18 days until we meet Daniel!

Adoption Day Remembered... 5 years ago today!

2008-08-11T06:37:00.011-05:00

An exerpt from my journal in 2004...
(pictures THEN left and below... NOW right)

On August 11, 2002, I held my baby Cosette for the first time. The day began with a flight from Beijing to Guangzhou, China. My mother met our adoption travel group at the airport in Guangzhou and we traveled by bus to the government building where we were to be given our baby. I remember my mom telling me about a dream she had about Cosette. I don't remember the whole dream, but I do remember one distinct detail. She said that in the dream Cosette was able to speak in fluent English. We had a good laugh together about that one. The bus ride seemed like an eternity. Sally, our guide, was telling us what would happen once we arrived, but I couldn't process her words. Too many other things were going on in my heart and mind. As we arrived John was video taping trying to make sure we got establishing shots of the building or something. I remember wondering how he could think clearly enough to run the camera. I could hardly put one foot in front of the other. We walked into the building and were waiting for an elevator when a group of Chinese women walked into the building each holding babies. Our hearts jumped as we scanned the babies to see if ours were there. But these were not our girls.

We were then ushered into a room where we were to wait until they called our names. One at a time each family would be called out of the room, and return moments later with a precious child. I was fighting tears as we waited for our turn. Then, finally, Sally called our names. I felt as if the world went into slow motion, each heartbeat palpable, reminding myself to breath. We walked into a hallway and were asked to proof read Cosette's adoption decree. I remember saying out loud, "You're kidding right? You expect me to read and comprehend this?" They did. On the move again, we rounded the corner and set our eyes on our precious child. The lead nanny was asking us something in Chinese. Sally translated: she wanted to know if I knew which baby was ours? Did I know her????? "YES!" I said, pointing toward Cosette, "right there. Please may I hold her?" fighting back tears and trying to remain calm and respectful. It seemed like an eternity before the director place her in my arms, although in truth it was fairly immediate. The emotions I felt the moment her skin first brushed my hand as I reached for her are almost indescribable. I felt very unworthy and so incredibly blessed. Excitement, fear, unbelievable honor, abundant joy... I remember thinking how soft her skin was, how chubby her little legs were, how much hair she had, how red her lips were... we spent the next hour or so getting to know our new daughter. These moments would probably all be a blur if not for my sweet mom. She had the video camera running the whole time! We have every precious moment recorded. Thank you from the bottom of my heart Mom.

It wasn't until we walked out of the Civil Affairs building later that afternoon, Cosette snuggling in my arms, that relief finally came. You see, after a decade of disappointments and heartache it had been difficult for me to really believe I would ever have a child to call my own. On the plane ride from the US to China I had a nightmare about being told we could not have Cosette and having to go home with empty arms. Honestly, I just couldn't let myself believe it would ever really happen. As we walked out of that building with our baby in my arms I finally allowed myself to believe, tears streaming down my face, that Cosette was finally MINE!

That night in the hotel I hardly slept. I just couldn't keep my eyes off my precious baby. She was perfect in every way. I remember thanking God over and over and over, completely overwhelmed by this blessing He had given me.

Our years together have been marked with so much joy. Cosette has blessed our lives completely. This journey has taught me many things, but above all else Cosette is a constant reminder of how much God loves me.

I am blessed!
Tonya

Olympic Mania

2008-08-07T22:47:00.005-05:00

With the Beijing Olympics starting tomorrow I thought I’d post a few fun links for the kids (and big kids too):

Official 2008 Beijing Olympic website: http://en.beijing2008.cn/

Official website fun page: http://en.beijing2008.cn/funpage/

Coloring sheets: http://www.activityvillage.co.uk/olympics_coloring_pages.htm

Basic info about

China

: http://www.activityvillage.co.uk/introduction_to_china.pdfAll about the

Olympic Games: http://www.activityvillage.co.uk/all_about_the_olympic_games.htm

Flag coloring sheet: http://www.activityvillage.co.uk/colouring%20picture%20china%20flag.htm

Family Tree

2008-08-07T10:02:00.002-05:00

Family Tree

We’ve added to our family tree
A stronger one to make,
A child from another plant has
Become our new namesake.
Just as a limb is grafted from one
Tree onto another,
It alters and improves the plant
Making it unique and like no other.

Our family tree has been improved
Adoption made this so. For love,
Much more than bloodlines,
Is what makes us thrive and grow.
We chose to share our life and
Love and all the joys to come.
Our family tree has blossomed
With the arrival of our cherished one.

Author unknown

The Teddy Bear Room

2008-08-04T08:16:00.004-05:00

This weekend our closets all threw up into the house! We were rearranging furniture, hanging mini blinds, cleaning windows, purging files, shredding, reorganizing, etc. Can you say NESTING? The problem is, the kitchen/dining room now look like, well I’m not sure how to describe the piles. But I have a bit of work to do before we can have a meal at the kitchen table again.

We made the final decision NOT to redecorate Daniels room, which used to be the nursery. We decided the teddy bears will stay. Honestly, we all have such deep attachment to the teddy bears; we just couldn’t pull them down yet.

When we were struggling with infertility, miscarriages and failed domestic adoptions; back in the “dark decade”, the Lord asked me to take a step of faith, to do something that showed him that I believed his promise to give us children. I decided to decorate the nursery as my step of faith. Everyone told me not to do it, especially my therapist. But I was determined. My in-law’s came to Texas and we spent the week putting wallpaper up, sewing curtains, shopping for furniture, etc. It was a fun week and I LOVED the result; the Teddy Bear Room. That room became my respite from the world. For years I had my quite time sitting in the glider in that room. It became such a sweet place where God healed my broken heart.

Of course years later God gave us Cosette and the Teddy Bear Room became her nursery. Her giggles filled every inch of that room for 5 years. Last summer Cosette wanted to redecorate. She wanted a loft bed and of course HOT PINK. So she decided to leave the Teddy bears behind and moved into her new room.

This weekend the Teddy Bear Room has gotten a face lift; it has grown up a little, and is going be Daniel’s room. Here’s a picture. We are still working on it, looking for an appropriate rug and a toy box. We look forward to God filling that room with happiness, laughter and more great memories.

Be blessed,

Tonya

TRAVEL APPROVAL

2008-08-01T12:04:00.004-05:00

We received our Travel Approval today! AND we were able to request earlier consulate date so our trip moved a week sooner! We hope to leave Aug 30, that only about 28 days away. Until the consulate appointment is approved this schedule is still tentative, but much more likely! YEAH. I better go finish Daniels room.

This is a very long trip because Liaoning requires a 10 day stay in their Provence.

Aug. 31 (Sun)---Arrive in Shenyang and stay at Trader’s Hotel.
Sept. 1 (Mon)---Meet Daniel!
Sept. 2 (Tue)---Go through adoption proceedings (registration, notarization).
Sept. 3 (Wed)---Transfer to Dalian City by bus to apply for Daniel’s Chinese passport. Stay at Ramada Hotel.
Sept. 4 (Thu)---Visit Dalian City Social Welfare Institute.
Sept. 5-7 (Fri-Sun)-- Sightseeing in Dalian City.
Sept. 8 (Mon)---Return to Shenyang.
Sept. 9-11 (Tue-Thu)---City tours and local sightseeing (Benxi Water Cave, Imperial Palace, Mausoleums, Botanical Gardens)
Sept. 12 (Fri)---Receive Daniel’s Chinese passport and transfer to Guangzhou. Stay at Victory Hotel.
Sept. 13 (Sat)---Free day.
Sept. 14 (Sun)---Visit Safari Park.
Sept. 15 (Mon)---Visit Chen Clan Academy
Sept. 16 (Tue)---Complete medical examination and review visa paperwork.
Sept. 17 (Wed)---Consulate appointment (BLAS guide will deliver Daniel’s U.S. visa application paperwork to the Consulate).
Sept. 18 (Thu)---Oath-taking ceremony in the afternoon and receive Daniel’s U.S. visa around 4:00 p.m.
Sept. 19 (Wed)---Depart for home.

Tonya

Tentative Itinerary

2008-07-31T23:00:00.004-05:00

On Cosette's birthday we went to First Chinese, her favorite local restaurant to celebrate with friends. At the end of the meal, as is our tradition, we each opened and read the message in our fortune cookie. When my turn came I read “Three months from this date great things will happen.” There was some silence and finally John said, “oh, I guess we could be in China”. We all shrugged it off, trying not to dream. Well, today we received our tentative itinerary for our trip to

China

and three months after that birthday dinner is Sept 9, Daniel’s tentative adoption day!

I should emphasize the word tentative. We have NOT received travel clearance from China yet, and everything is dependent on travel clearance, but here’s the hopeful plan:

Sept. 7 (Sun)---Arrive in Shenyang and stay at Trader’s Hotel.
Sept. 24 (Wed)---Depart for home.

So, if this schedule remains true we will meet our son in 39 days!

Tonya

God owns the cattle on a thousand hills

2008-07-28T22:32:00.002-05:00

My dad and mom were missionaries for all their adult lives. We depended completely on the generosity of churches and friends, and ultimately God for everything. I remember many times when the finances were tight. Often during these times my dad would say “don’t worry, God owns the cattle on a thousand hills” reference Psalm 50:10:

for every animal of the forest is mine,
and the cattle on a thousand hills.

Dad was reminding us that providing for our needs is never difficult for God, His resources are endless.

Well, His endless resources have been pouring into our lives. Last week we were given $1000 and today in the mail we received $2000! Also today a friend gave us a brand new bike and a bunch of clothes for Daniel. God is showing us his powerful hand.

Stay tuned… it’s going to be an exciting ride!

Tonya (for John, Cosette and Daniel)

Provision... you can help!

2008-07-24T10:25:00.004-05:00

Recently while praying about our finances, asking God once again to provide what is needed to complete Daniel's adoption, I thought I heard the Lord say “ask”. I replied “I’ve been asking, Lord, are you going to answer?” I'm sure His reply is “ask others”.

In Geneses 50:21 it says “So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children. He reassured them and spoke kindly to them." My heart knows God can, and will provide. I am amazingly peaceful about that. But I still believe He is asking us to share the blessings of this adoption with you by asking you to help.

Acts 11:29 The disciples, each according to his ability, decided to provide help for the brothers living in Judea.

Here are some practical ways you could help with the expenses for our upcoming trip broken down into smallish parts. I’ve opened an account called “Chip In” where you can make a donation if you choose (see "chip in" at end of this post and on the side bar).

Orphanage donation (help provide for the kids left behind in Daniel’s orphanage) - $3,000.00
Sponsor airfare LA to China (about $1300 each) - $1300.00
Sponsor a day of expenses in China - $425.00
Sponsor one Chinese visa (we need three) - $130.00
Sponsor one night in a hotel for our family of 4 in China - $120.00
Sponsor a full day of meals for our family of 4 in China - $64.00
Sponsor one meal for our family of 4 in China - $32.00
Donate frequent flyer miles on American Air to help with our DFW – LA flights - ???

If you are in the area and you have big boy things you would like to donate that would be great too! Daniel’s measurements as of May 10 (the day after his 6^th birthday) were: 46.5 inches tall, 42 lbs, chest 26.3 inches, feet 8.26 inches. I’m not exactly sure what size that means he would wear. I’m guessing size 6, but he is sure to have grown some in the past few months. We need a bike, toys, clothes, anything you can think of that might be helpful, honestly. After 6 years with my overwhelmingly girlie girl princess I’m not even sure what we need for Daniel.

Without the prayers and support of our family and friends we could not have even considered adopting Daniel. You are such blessings to us. Thank you for helping us once again.

Stay tuned… the rumor from our agency is that we may get travel approval very very soon. According to our case manager the TA's are "in the mail" from China.

Be blessed,
Tonya (and for John, Cosette and Daniel)

Thursday, July 24, 2008 11:16 AM
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Citizenship… what does it mean?

2008-07-23T23:18:00.009-05:00

Today Cosette and I got up early and drove to Dallas. We stood in a long line and waited for hours in a packed room full of strangers. Why? Believe it or not, this was the last step in Cosette’s paperwork. Yes, Cosette is finally in possession of a U.S. Certificate of Citizenship. She was officially a citizen on August 21, 2002, my 34^th birthday and the day she first touched U.S. soil. But today she has the proof. (to the right Cosette signing the forms)

As we were waiting today, watching all the other families excitedly file into this cramped room I began to think about what it means to be a citizen of the United States. What do you think it means? What are your responsibilities as a citizen? Any commitments? When the actual swearing in happened I caught a glimpse or what it means (right and below Cosette with a new friend she met this morning):

First some of our rights:

Freedom of religion
Freedom of Speech
Freedom of the Press
The Right to Assemble
The Right to Petition

Our responsibilities:

Obeying the laws
Paying taxes
Jury duty
Serve as a witness
Register for the draft
Voting!

On our drive home Cosette and I talked about what just happened. I asked her if she knew what it meant to be a U.S. Citizen and we talked briefly about the concepts listed above (right, Cosette with new certificate).

I believe that Cosette is right now forming her attitudes about voting, her place within the community, and her sense of a greater common good. Alarmingly, study after study shows a rapid increase in self concern and a decrease in the knowledge, interest, and participation by teens in the responsibilities of citizenship. In 1990, the Times Mirror study of five decades revealed that the current young generation, knows less, cares less . . . votes less, and, in 1990, were significantly less informed than middle-aged and older people about current events. Civic aptitude among 17-year-olds declined markedly by 1990, with students having particular difficulty answering questions on the political processes and historical traditions of our democracy.

"Children are one-third of our population and all of our future." - Unknown

What can I do to help my children avoid becoming a part of these statistics? Help them enter political life in situations where their voices will be heard. Help them see that their votes count. Work with them to develop a basic understanding of political institutions. Most importantly, provide experiences that help them learn about and engage with the community, whichever community that is local, citywide, regional, Democratic, or Republican (right, celebrating with chocolate pancakes).

Below are some ideas printed with permission from www.LearningtoGive.org

Promote Volunteering

"What we want is to see the child in pursuit of knowledge, and not knowledge in pursuit of the child."

—George Bernard Shaw

Encourage your children to be active, regular volunteers in an organization dealing with an issue they care about. Also, encourage organizations in which you're involved to develop policies and programs that support volunteer opportunities for young people (e.g., a youth advisory committee or youth positions on the adult board).

Discussion of Philanthropic Ideas

This is the time to hold family discussions on topics related to philanthropy. Students are both cynical and idealistic. Family discussions about complex issues, in a warm and supportive environment, can help your school-age adult sort through this complexity. At this age, your school aged child will begin to shift between idealism and realism.

Suggested Points of Discussion:

Was Mother Teresa a saint or a loser? She died with only her personal clothing and a few other personal items. Was her life a success? Why or why not?
What does it mean to have a sense of place and to belong to a community? What is important about it? To how many communities does your family belong (e.g., geographic community, religious community, ethnic community, world community, youth community, etc.)?
How does giving and serving develop a sense of belonging and community?
How does volunteering strengthen the community?
What do you see as the key problems of our time? What are the causes and consequences? How might giving and serving make a difference to these problems?

Service-Learning at School

Encourage your school to develop high-quality service-learning opportunities as a teaching method. These volunteer experiences tie academic learning to real-world needs and volunteer efforts. Support your teen's involvement in appropriate community service. Advocate for the experience to have academic ties to the school curriculum.

Get Out the Vote

"We can't form our children on our own concepts; we must take them and love them as God gives them to us."

—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Political awareness is key to political involvement. Have family discussions about current events, political candidates, judicial decisions, and family members' opinions about important topics. Remember, your teen has not reached a final position on any issue yet. Their opinions will change as they mature and go through life's experiences.

Model and encourage support of the political process. Volunteer together at a local campaign headquarters for presidential, state or local candidates. Prepare food to take to your local polling place on Election Day. Have a pamphlet-designing party for your teen's friends, then distribute the pamphlets to encourage other teens to vote. Help your teen hold a brainstorming session on how they can make a difference in the local election.

This blog is supposed to be about Daniel, I know, but this is the news for today. I hope you don’t mind.

Tonya

God's Timing... perfect every time

2008-07-11T13:24:00.007-05:00

Today during my quiet time I sat thinking about our situation, wondering when our LOA (letter of acceptance) would come. When would we finally get to go to China and meet our precious son? So many well intentioned friends have reminded me that God’s timing is always best. I know that is true, but waiting is still hard. I’m so glad that I know the King of Kings, and that he loves my son more than I do.

That being said, I began to do a bit of sulking. I looked at my calendar and counted the days, 80 days and counting sense our documents were logged into the CCAA in China… Once again I calculated the “what ifs”… if we get LOA today, we might get TA in a few weeks and be in China by the end of August… Maybe by my 40th birthday, Aug 21? Probably not, because of the Olympics. What if China doesn't hurry up?... What if… I have a schedule China, don't you understand?

It was at this "feeling sorry for my doubtful self" point that I sat with my Bible and God directed me to this verse... a promise if you will! And this is what I read:

"For the vision still has its time, presses on to fulfillment and will not disappoint; if it delays, wait for it, it will surely come, it will not be late." Habakkuk2:3

Wow . . . it will not be late, hmmmm . . . I looked it up in the Message Bible:

And then God answered: "Write this. Write what you see. Write it out in big block letters so that it can be read on the run. This vision-message is a witness pointing to what's coming. It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait! And it doesn't lie. If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Habakkuk 2:3

Does God have me figured out or what? He knows exactly what I need, right when I need it. Thank you Lord!

You won’t believe what happened next. The cell phone rang. Guess what? It was Denise (at Dillon, our adoption agency) calling and she has our LOA in hand, EXACTLY ON TIME.

I happen to be in Tulsa this week for Dillon’s China Heritage camp with Cosette so I can sign the LOA today, FedEX it to John at home so he can sign it tomorrow and FedEx it back to Dillon for Monday delivery. GOD’S TIMING IS PERFECT.

Another very exciting development: Usually on adoption trips to China there is a group of adoptive families traveling together. This helps spread the expense of the translators, taxi’s etc. while in country. Because Daniel is older and we are an “expedited” adoption we were told we would not have a travel group, that our family would probably travel alone. We understand that if we travel alone we can expect our in China costs to almost double. Well, because of GOD’s TIMING, there is a group of Dillon families who we could travel with! They are adopting babies, and will be going to another Provence, but simply being in a “group” will lower our expenses!

Our next step will be to receive Travel Approval (TA) from China. We expect this to come in about 30 days. Travel is usually a few weeks after TA.

We still don't have all the money needed for this journey. We are trusting once again that God will provide exactly what we need, exactly when we need it.

God is GOOD! ALL the time.

Blessings,
~ Tonya

Preparing for Daniel

2008-07-02T21:21:00.014-05:00

Physical: Our house is abuzz with preparations for Daniel. We are converting the nursery into a big boy room; cleaning out dressers and closets; replacing the teddy bears with balls, transformers and Lego’s. We will soon begin shopping for clothes. Typically children adopted from China come with the clothes on their backs and nothing more. Where does one start? Undies, what kind? Socks, pajama’s, t-shirts, shorts, shoes, etc. We need it all! Based on the most recent update on Daniel he should be wearing size 7 clothes and size 2 or 3 shoes. We welcome any hand me downs you have sitting around gathering dust!

Emotional: It is difficult to know how to prepare emotionally. We talk about Daniel, think about what time it is in China “now’, try to make him a real part of our every day lives. It’s very difficult. We don’t know Daniel. What does he like? Does he laugh easily? Does he have dimples when he smiles? Is his hair coarse or fine? Is he talkative or quiet? Does he love music? Drawing? Sports? Mostly we have questions, not answers. One afternoon in January Cosette painted the three pictures in this post. The first is a self-portrait, next is me (mom) and the third is a picture of Daniel. Amazing isn’t it? Daniel is a featureless boy. The contrast between the paintings speaks volumes.

Spiritual: We pray daily for Daniel. Actually, it would be more accurate to say we pray all day for him. Any time God puts him in my mind I lift up a prayer. Our hearts cry is that God would prepare Daniel’s heart for us, and ours for him. One thing to consider is that while we are spending all this time and energy preparing for Daniel, he may not have much or any preparation himself. There is a chance that he will learn about us only a few days before we meet. Many times children adopted internationally at Daniels age have the feeling that they have been kidnapped. They are mistrusting and fearful. Somehow we pray that this precious boy would know we are coming, that we love him, want him and will be his forever family.

Preparing is a process.

Adopting Again -- the beginning

2008-07-01T21:48:00.009-05:00

Our journey to Daniel began in late October 2007 when Dillon International, the agency we used to adopt our daughter, Cosette, contacted us with a new list of “waiting” children. Although we regularly spoke of adopting again, we were not financially prepared for an expedited adoption, nor had we ever planned to adopt an older child. God had a different plan. I prayed as I opened the file Dillon sent. As the file opened, Daniel’s face jumped off the page and into my heart. I don’t know any other way to put it. It was an immediate thing. I hesitated as I called John to ask him to look at the list. I did not tell him about Daniel at first. I wanted to get his real response, not filtered by my hopes. John had a similar experience. We both knew Daniel was meant to be our son. So many questions remained. The biggest one was financial, where would the money come from? I have read enough about adopting an older child to know there are many obstacles and difficulties we could face. With a healthy portion of fear I prayed, asking God to please answer these three questions:

1) Where was the money coming from?

2)Would Daniels minor medical issue lead to long-term health problems, or did he have a clean bill of health?

3)Would Daniel be able to bond with us?

The next three days God amazed us! On day one God miraculously provided three quarters of the money we needed for this adoption from a completely unexpected source. On the second day I spoke with a therapist who reviewed Daniels file, including information about his relationship with his foster parents and she assured me, as well as she could, that Daniel seems to have a good attachment with his foster family. Day three included a “clean bill of health” from the international adoption clinic.

Honestly, I did not expect God to answer those questions, and certainly not so quickly. So began our journey to Daniel.

In the months that followed we completed “paperchase” as most adoptive families fondly call the paperwork phase. Out completed paperwork was logged into the Chinese Center of Adoption Affairs (CCAA) on April 23, and our official wait began. We expect to get our Letter of Intent (LOI) from CCAA any day now, and then we wait again for Travel Approval (TA). As we progress I plan to update this blog. Check back as often as you like.